Daily Kos: Cynikell

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Friday January 06, 2006 · 9:18 AM PST

2006/01/06 · 09:18

As news of Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon's condition darkened, Pat Robertson, Christian conservative leader, former presidential candidate, and man-about-town, provided the comfort and guidance we so rely upon from our clergy: He reassured us that Sharon's stroke was divine retribution for the withdrawal from Gaza.

CNN quotes Robertson as saying, "He was dividing God's land, and I would say, 'Woe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course to appease the [European Union], the United Nations or the United States of America.'"

Robertson later responded to skepticism from the "America-hating U.S. 'News' Media," by insisting that God intervenes more often than we think, especially in issues of cultural balance or when there is a credible threat to the American way of life. "For example, the impending divorce of Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson. Woe unto any couple who blasphemes the blessed institution of marriage for fun and profit."
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Miers Nomination Withdrawn - The Prequel (Satire)

Cynikell

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Friday October 28, 2005 · 4:39 AM PDT

2005/10/28 · 04:39

Bush, Rove, and Miers in the Oval Office.

Bush: "Things have gotten a little messy with this nomination thing, Harriet."

Miers: "I'm sorry about that, George. You know I'd never intentionally cause you any trouble."

Bush: "I know, I don't blame you. We may have made some... we may have miscalculated a few things. I didn't think they even READ those questionnaire things."

Rove: "We've got to get ourselves out of this, Harriet." Read More

Always Low Prices. At Any Cost. (Satire)

Cynikell

Community (This content is not subject to review by Daily Kos staff prior to publication.)

Wednesday October 26, 2005 · 11:00 AM PDT

2005/10/26 · 11:00

CNN reports that an internal memo sent to the Board of low-price juggernaut Wal-Mart revealed the company's strategy for combating rising benefit costs. Recommendations include hiring more part-time workers, cutting the company's 401K contribution, and increasing the cost of spouse insurance coverage.

Another suggestion for keeping health costs low is to discourage fitness-challenged people from applying by manipulating all job descriptions to "include some physical activity (e.g., all cashiers do some cart-gathering)."

The memo goes on to recommend new policies to ensure compliance. Beginning in January 2006: Read More

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