Dear Supporters and everyone else,
I have a confession to make. As you know, I've been running for President, and, as you also know, I've been crushing everyone else in the race. Nobody even comes close.
However, I have to tell you something. I started this whole thing as a joke. For my own entertainment. To see how much fun I could have. And by "fun" I mean saying the craziest, stupidest things I could think of, just because it's great to make up shit and see what people will swallow.
I expected to be called out on it. Instead, I got headlines, applause, interviews, great polls. So I said more crazy stuff. More headlines, more applause, more interviews, even better polls. It’s a blast.
Deport 25 million Mexicans? The crowds loved it! No nuclear deal with Iran? Skyrocketing polls! Past poor Jeb, and that sap Marco, and Ted, who didn't know what hit him. They were falling all over themselves trying to match my stuff. Deport the Muslims? No way can they keep up!
I'm known for being a kind of a loudmouth, but I usually keep things polite, more or less. But now, I can cut loose with anything that pops into my head! Whee! I haven't had so much fun since fourth grade, when I got that guy in trouble, Jeff, I think—too bad his handwriting looked so much like mine, with those words and names and all. Or 11th grade, when I let loose on Mary what's-her-name, and she ended up going to another school.
This running for president thing is even better. I can say anything! The worse it is, the bigger the headlines! Talk shows! Pundits falling all over themselves! All those people I never liked, freeloaders, bitches, hicks, dumbshits, weird people, the whole boatload. I can say whatever I want about them.
What I get to see on a daily basis is how stupid people are. After centuries of patting ourselves on our back for our freedom of religion, being a melting pot, being a nation of immigrants, suddenly millions of people are cheering when I say that we should throw out all those Muslims. You're being played, suckers!
Worship the 2nd Amendment but chuck the 14th Amendment? Sure! Never got that constitution stuff anyhow. Bombs away!
A fence on the border? No taxes on corporations? Ax Planned Parenthood? Bomb ISIS? Are you out of your mind? Have you actually tried to think any of this through? I could tell you to piss away every last drop of humanity you and your everloving parents have ever held dear, and half of you would be nodding your heads and wishing you said it first.
One thing bothers me. Even though everybody's listening to me, and nobody's listening to that other guy, Bernie, more Americans actually support him than me. I know it shouldn't bother me, especially since the press ignores him anyway, but it does. Hillary I get. But here's my goal. Bernie’s next.
I started out writing this note thinking it was time to come clean, time to stop this game. But now that I think about it, I'm having too much fun. It's like being three years old again and running around naked. I'm free! I'm gonna keep on doing this, and you're gonna lap it up and beg for more. Just because I say it. Just because you're a loser. And just because I'm the greatest.
Sincerely,
Donald Trump