I am a straight, white, able bodied, American male. I grew up in a relatively conservative, middle class, somewhat Christian home. I graduated from HS and have received two degrees. I do not have any learning or physical disabilities. I have no personal experience with violent trauma. I have never been to prison nor do I have any physiological additions save for caffeine.
On November 9, at 32, I experienced the first time I’ve ever been genuinely, deeply and fundamentally ashamed of my demographic.
When Bush beat Gore in the Electoral College, but not the popular vote, I was 16. I remember watching Fox News with my parents while the results came in. My dad cheered when Gore lost his home state of TN. I was swept up in the Clinton scandal and the subsequent fallout. I was caught up in the excitement, but this was the first time I really began to question whether my values truly lined up with those of my parents. Four years later, I eagerly cast my vote for Kerry. During the 8 years of a Bush presidency, I graduated from high school, moved to Michigan for college, graduated and began my first career. Some of the most fundamental years of my emotional and political development occurred under a hotly contested, controversial president. And yet...through all this time, I never really felt ashamed. Embarrassed, yes. Disappointed, yes...but ashamed? While I disagreed with policies, I still believe that Bush remained a qualified, compassionate president. He truly wished to make America great. I simply disagreed with how.
This year, 47% of my fellow citizens chose to elect Donald Trump as the 45th president, giving him the Electoral College, despite, as in 2000, losing the popular vote, making this the second time in 16 years that the Democrats have won the popular vote, but lost the election. Like most of my friends, I was shocked, terrified and, frankly, confused. How could such a large portion of our country chose to elect a man who advocated a war crime, telling reporters that “you have to go after their families”, wishes to ban entire religions from entering the country, called our southern neighbors “rapists” and “criminals” and bragged about sexually assaulting women. Any one of these would have undoubtedly disqualified any other candidate. So the question that keeps running through my mind is how any reasonable person could support him. Even if you assume that Clinton has been hiding and deleting e-mails that contain important information...which should be investigated...they are not even remotely comparable on the same scale. Even if Bill Clinton is equally guilty of sexual assault...which should rightfully be investigated in our dialogue of sexual assault and power...the fact remains that that was Bill, not Hillary. If Hillary were a male, I strongly suspect she would have been elected in a landslide...but I digress.
I have never been targeted because of any of my identities. The dominant voice in our culture is and always has been mine. I grew up entitled to the power I had and learned that a “strong work ethic” would lead me to success. Through my own efforts, I could achieve anything I desired. I was promised that the American dream belonged to me. I think what explains most of Trump is that this dominant power dynamic is teetering on the brim of massive change. We who grew up with the assumption of power have never known it any other way. It is tough to see that this power is not, by a long shot, shared evenly. On the leading edge of this teeter, we feel this power gradually slipping away...and that’s scary. We believe that we are being taken advantage of because we have been taught to ignore color, sex, race...etc...because somehow blind is ethical. Trump winning, yes winning, is the swing of the pendulum back. Take issue with the Electoral College, but he did win based on our system. We are terrified of losing power because we have never known it any other way. We are terrified that somebody else could take advantage of us. We are terrified that, once lost, we could never have any control over our world...and it is legitimately unnerving.
As a straight, white, able bodied male, I struggle with what to do right now. I want to get angry...but more angry white men is hardly what we need. I want to run away to another country, but that takes my vote away from the future America. Sometimes I want to crawl into bed and cry…but that just somehow makes it worse. Sometimes I just...really, I just want to act...but I don’t think my voice is what is needed. It is the voice of everyone who is not described in part or whole by my first paragraph. My job: listen. Listen and act on their suggestions.
So, all straight white men who are upset, angry, disillusioned and ashamed. How can we help?:
- When a woman tells you that a late-term abortion is one of the most traumatic possible experiences, listen. Her voice and opinion are more important than yours.
- When a trans woman expresses a desire of which pronoun to use, listen. The choice is not yours.
- When a disabled person in a wheelchair complains that the ramp is in the back while the stairs are in the front, listen. Your ability to walk does not overrule their access to the space.
- When a Muslim tells you that ISIS does not represent Islam, listen. They know their religion significantly more than you do.
- When a girl claims that she did not consent, listen. She did not.
- When a gender/sexuality confused student cries in your class because her nascent identity is not recognized or valued, listen. Show compassion. Middle school is hard enough already.
- When another black man is shot by the police, listen. Do not say that “all lives matter” because it is not even remotely the same thing. Your experience does not automatically make you relate.
- When a friend or coworker breaks down because she is disillusioned by the election, listen. Don’t insist that it’s just a phase or that the emotion will pass. You do not understand what she is experiencing.
White men - the future's not ours alone. Ours is not and should not be the only voice. If you want to make change and truly believe that the future matters and deserves a bit better, support and take the advice the rest of humanity in what would help them. They can tell you how. It is infinitely more useful to be an ally than assume another leadership role on their behalf.
I have to believe that, in the long range, progress continues. Ideas, once released, can never die. With each leap forward, we will definitely backslide. Try not to lose perspective.
