Gather ‘round, children, for...
A Holiday Story
T’was the night before Christmas and all through the House
Votes were being taken that made Speaker Johnson grouse
The ayes and the nays were noted with care,
As discharge petitions flew through the air
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The bills were debated, hour after hour,
Over ACA subsidies and presidential power.
Those in favor focused on the facts and the laws.
Those against unleashed tantrums and guffaws.
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When over at Daily Kos there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my porn Bible study to see what was the matter.
Away to the headlines I flew like a flash,
"BREAKING: 47's Legacy Taken Out With The Trash!"
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The moon over D.C. set the Capitol aglow,
As if in a spotlight switched on for this show.
Over and over the earth shook from the clamor,
As the post-vote gavel dropped like Thor's mighty hammer.
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With language so simple and support so thick,
The assembled knew they could finish this quick.
More rapid than eagles the congressmen flew,
To recite their green-lit bills for reporters on cue:
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"Yes to affordable health care! No to war!
Yes to food and heat for the poor!
And to right a wrong and shameless act of gall,
Trump: take your fucking name off the Kennedy Center's wall!”
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Back at the White House from his burger-strewn bed,
The prez fired out rantings from his big dumb orange head.
"Witch hunt!" "Fake news!" "To hell with you and the rest!
"And another thing: I can pick out the giraffe most times on my daily dementia test!"
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He was bloated and sweaty, a narcissistic old shit,
His cankles swole to the size of melons during his big hissy fit.
There was fear in his eyes—he knew he was toast,
Without his orange makeup he was white as a ghost.
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He wolfed down a Big Mac and went back to his "work"
Fuming and lying and being a jerk.
And I heard him exclaim as the crushed Adderall flew up his nose:
"I'm just saying you can give up certain products. You can give up pencils. Every child can get 37 pencils. They only need one or two. You don’t need 37 dolls for your daughter. Two or three is nice. You don’t need 37 dolls. So, we're doing things right.”
And to all a good night?
The End
