Good morning, Newdists! I have a bit of personal news I’d like to share this morning.
As many of you know, I was away last weekend for EDC Las Vegas, which is a huge EDM (electronic dance music) festival held at Las Vegas Motor Speedway. The BF and I have been together for 13 years now, and we’ve gone through many ups and downs. Raving is an activity that has brought us closer than ever in recent years, so going to EDC together was something we were very much looking forward to as a couple.
Just to recap: It was an incredible weekend. We flew into Las Vegas on Wednesday, spent a wonderful night in a Conrad suite on the Strip, and then went over to the festival on Thursday. We stayed at “Camp EDC” for the next four nights, a huge tent city right outside of the speedway. Or, rather, we raved at night and slept during the day, since the party goes from dusk to dawn (literally). It was exhausting and took nearly everything out of me. But it was also rewarding in ways I can’t even articulate. I’ve always said that raving is more effective than therapy for me, and that was certainly true this past weekend. It’s as if I got to pop the hood of my mental health open and take a look underneath. And, well, it wasn’t pretty. But the path forward is clearer than ever to me. That’s what a rave does for me—it tunes out everything else and allows me to connect with my inner (real) self, check in, and plan the way forward. And I had four nights of it! It was worth every drop of sweat and the cold I came home with!
But that’s not the personal news I want to share. Because, on the second night of EDC, the BF had a surprise for me. Unbeknownst to me, there was a massive amount of planning happening all around me. We met up with a few friends to see Illenium (one of “our” artists that we like to see together), and I didn’t know it yet, but everybody was in on it. The BF waited until just the right song, and then…
(The proposal started with him giving me a rave kandi bracelet that said “Will you marry me?”)
In case you’re wondering what was going on inside my head, I think I was experiencing a little derealization. It was as if I was a bystander looking on. It took a while for it to sink in, and then I became a weepy mess for the rest of the set, LOL. But, of course, the only answer that made sense was yes. Not a single doubt!
It’s not as if I’d never considered marriage before. On a subconscious level, though, I think part of the reason I never proposed to the BF is because I never considered myself worthy of him. I still don’t know how I lucked out to end up with somebody like him, but I think I never asked him to marry me because I wanted to give him an “out,” just in case. Isn’t that crazy? But I’m over the moon that he wants to marry me, and (sorry, dark intrusive thought incoming) I just hope we hold on to our right to marry long enough to make it happen. I’m still not convinced that I’m in his league, but that just makes me want to strive every day to be the type of person who deserves him.
Also, I really, really love our new song:
New Day Cafe is an open thread!
Share what’s on your mind this morning
From belinda ridgewood and our friends at the Inoculation Project:
Today at The Inoculation Project, we’re helping a South Carolina middle school class take up worm composting, and a high school in Oklahoma resupply their science labs. We also have a wonderful thank you note that a teacher sent directly to Daily Kos, and that circled back to us through the good offices of Kaili Joy Gray! We'd love to see you there, and coincidentally, to have your tips, recs, and social media shares, to help us reach more eyes!
