Good morning, Newdists! You all know that my cat’s name is Zoe. But you probably didn’t know that she goes by dozens of other names, just depending on our mood. She’s been with me/us for about a decade, so she has a decade’s worth of names that have accumulated. So many, in fact, that I’m certain I’m going to leave some of them out of this diary.
It all started when I first adopted Zoe, and I went to my leasing office to give them her details. The woman helping me was a little cranky, and when she asked for the kitten’s name, I said Zoe. Then she asked, “Last name?” I thought that was a ridiculous question to ask, but I just rolled with it and said “McFlufferbutt.” She looked up at me, completely unamused, and said, “Do you really want me to put that?” I thought about it for a second and confirmed, and she did. So now I always say that Zoe’s full legal name is Ms. Zoe McFlufferbutt.
Other names just came to me over time, and eventually, the BF added his own. Here is a very partial list (because, again, I seriously doubt I’m even going to remember them all):
Zoester
Zoester McFlowster
Zoosta
Zoosta McFloosta
Maamski Blam
Mammer Blammer
The Blammiest Ma’am That Ever Blammed
Miss Ma’am
Bozo (only used when she’s…being a bozo)
Hoey Zoe (not that that’s a bad thing—we don’t slut shame in this house)
The Baby Lady, which has two other variations: The Pretty Baby Lady (when she’s looking pretty) and The Silly Baby Lady (when she’s acting silly)
Sweet Peach (Autumn was Sweet Pea, Zoe was/is Sweet Peach)
My Moo
Meemaw
Beebah
Boobaloo
Her latest name is Miss Meep. We have a whole lore and cast of characters around this name. She’s Miss Meep, I’m Papa Meep, and the BF is Mama Meep. “Meep” is also a verb, although we haven’t really defined what it means to “meep.” But when Zoe is riled up or otherwise making her presence known, we’ll say, “Oh no, Miss Meep is meeping!” When she comes to one of us for treats, sometimes we’ll direct her to the other Meep parent. “Go meep to Mama Meep!” It’s so stupid.
Btw, my favorite Zoe lore is that her spirit is that of an Old South plantation lady, and her punishment is having to be a house cat for a gay interracial couple who come up with increasingly undignified names for her.
If you’re thinking at this point that I need psychiatric attention, you’re probably right about that. You haven’t even heard the voices we use for the cats! Zoe has her own raspy voice, kind of modeled on the voice of Lynn Samuels, if you remember her. Autumn had a really high-pitched voice that sounded like it was screaming all the time. She may have passed, but her spirit is still around, so she’s still very much a “character” in this house. This sounds a lot crazier as I’m typing it out, LMAO.
I’ll stop digging! What’s on your mind this morning? Hopefully your mind is a little more intact than mine.
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