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Trix

Sunday Talk: America, F**k Yeah!

Trix

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Saturday July 07, 2018 · 9:29 PM PDT

2018/07/07 · 21:29

This week, America celebrated its 242nd birthday, but it was hardly a happy occasion.

Under the so-called "leadership" of President @realDonaldTrump, this once-great nation has seen its global standing fall, as long-standing alliances are pushed to their limits, and hard-fought international agreements are abandoned.

When Trump took office, many people worried that his "America first" approach would translate to "America alone," but that hasn't exactly turned out to be the case.

In Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong-Un, Trump has found his true soulmates, and together they've set about creating a new world order—one in which the press is the enemy of the people.

Now, I'm no historian, but I don't think that the Founding Fathers would be too proud of what Trump has "accomplished."

Sunday Talk: Schrödinger's Cage

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Saturday June 23, 2018 · 9:28 PM PDT

2018/06/23 · 21:28

This week, following a loud public outcry from #BothSides of the aisle (including all four living former First Ladies), President @realDonaldTrump (temporarily) ended his administration's family seperation [sic] policy via a hastily-written Executive Order.

Trump's abrupt reversal sowed a lot of confusion.

He'd spent the past few weeks (falsely) arguing that only Congress had the power to end the policy that—according to him—Democrats were to blame for; at the same time, DHS Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen was busy claiming that the policy didn't even exist.

Meanwhile, Attorney General Jeff Sessions, who unveiled the "zero tolerance" policy and was one of its staunchest defenders, cited the Bible as justification and said that it would serve as a deterrent to illegal immigration.

However, once Trump changed his tune, so, too, did Sessions—he now claims that it was never the administration's intention to separate families.

And yet, thousands of migrant children remain separated from their parents, held in chain-link enclosures (read: cages) around the country, and the prospects of reuniting them are not looking good.

Sunday Talk: The Summit of All Fears

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Saturday June 16, 2018 · 9:28 PM PDT

2018/06/16 · 21:28

This week, on the heels of his G7 blow-up, President @realDonaldTrump held his much hyped summit (read: photo op) with Kim Jong-Un.

Suffice it to say, the meeting did not go as badly as Trump's critics feared it would—it went worse... much, much worse.

Had Trump merely legitimized a murderous dictator, that would've been bad enough (Dayenu)—but he also lavished praise on the "little rocket man," and fantasized about "his people" displaying the same fealty as Kim's do (under threat of death).

And, had Trump gotten less than he gave up, that, too, would've been very bad—but he didn't just get less... he got virtually nothing at all in return for giving away the store.

The fact of the matter is, we probably would've been better off sending the guy who actually wrote "The Art of the Deal" to negotiate on our behalf.

Sunday Talk: The Benevolent Dictator

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Saturday June 09, 2018 · 9:28 PM PDT

2018/06/09 · 21:28

This week, President @realDonaldTrump was intently focused on preparing for his upcoming (historic) summit with Kim Jong-Un and Dennis Rodman.

In truth, Trump had a different issue on his mind—namely, criminal justice reform.

Well, maybe reform is the wrong word... more like criminal justice avoidance.

As Robert Mueller's investigation into allegations of Russian collusion and obstruction of justice continues to expand, with new charges being filed as recently as this Friday, Trump's attention has turned to his pardon power.

Whereas Trump's predecessors have (for the most part) used pardons as a means to correct perceived injustices, Trump sees them as a way to impress celebrities, reward his conservative allies, punish his "Deep State" enemies, and troll liberals.

Most concerning, however, is Trump's belief that he has the "absolute right" to pardon himself—a view that was roundly rejected by the Justice Department a few days before Richard Nixon's resignation.

Like Nixon, Trump thinks that when the president does it, that means it's not illegal.

Hopefully, Mueller's grand jury will soon have the opportunity to disagree with him.

Sunday Talk: True Defective

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Saturday May 26, 2018 · 9:28 PM PDT

2018/05/26 · 21:28

Since taking office, President @realDonaldTrump has told thousands and thousands of (easily provable) lies.

And yet, for the most part, the so-called "liberal media" is hesitant to call them lies.

Instead, they opt for euphemisms such as "misstatements," "untruths," "falsehoods," "exaggerations," "misrepresentations," and other such linguistic nonsense.

Some journalists argue that they're unable to discern Trump's intent—perhaps he's just a fucking moron (he definitely is) and doesn't know better (he does)—but for others (*cough* Maggie Haberman *cough*), it's clearly about maintaining access.

As Trump continues to violate democratic norms and undermine America's credibility, and Congressional Republicans refuse to do anything about it, it becomes increasingly important that the media holds him accountable.

I mean, we shouldn't have to rely on a porn star's lawyer to do their job for them.

Sunday Talk: Weighing the Evidence

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Saturday May 19, 2018 · 9:28 PM PDT

2018/05/19 · 21:28

This week, America celebrated the one-year anniversary of the appointment of Robert Mueller as Special Counsel to investigate allegations of obstruction of justice and collusion by @realDonaldTrump and (family) members of his presidential campaign.

To date, the investigation—which was born in a "Crossfire Hurricane"—has resulted in criminal charges against 19 people (5 of whom have pleaded guilty) and 3 companies.

Clearly, there is nothing to see here—especially if you choose not to look, like House Intelligence Committee Chairman Devin Nunes has done.

As far as Trump and his allies are concerned, the real scandal is the investigation itself, and they're determined to do everything in their power to undermine it—regardless of the consequences.

While Trump's detractors are quick to claim that this indicates consciousness of guilt, his defenders are just as quick to note that they really don't fucking care.

Sunday Talk: Money for Nothing and Chicks for Free

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Saturday May 12, 2018 · 9:28 PM PDT

2018/05/12 · 21:28

When @realDonaldTrump was running for president, he promised to surround himself with the "best people."

But, recently, one thing has become crystal clear—when Trump sends his lawyers, he's not sending his best (though they're arguably the best that *he* can get).

This week, Trump's longtime "fixer" and (former?) personal attorney, Michael Cohen, was exposed in what can only be described as a large-scale bribery scheme spanning the globe.

Mixing business and pleasure, Cohen solicited corporate funds via the same secret LLC that he'd set up to pay off porn stars and playmates on his client's behalf (purportedly without his client's knowledge).

Nearly everyone in Washington was shocked—shocked!—at the brazen corruption.

However, inside the White House, no one so much as batted a perfect smokey eye—in their telling, Cohen's selling of access proves that Trump can't be bought.

And, furthermore, according to Trump's new personal attorney, Rudy "9/11" Giuliani, it's a common occurrence for lawyers to make hush money payments to their clients' mistresses (using their own money) without informing them (though his now-former law firm strongly denies this.)

Sunday Talk: Trafficking in Bulls**t

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Saturday May 05, 2018 · 9:28 PM PDT

2018/05/05 · 21:28

This week got off to a rough start, with the White House Correspondents' Association throwing comedian Michelle Wolf under the bus, and it ended on an equally rough note, with President @realDonaldTrump throwing his (new) personal attorney, Rudy Giuliani, under the bus.

Wolf had committed the cardinal sin of upsetting the Washington press corps' delicate sensibilities by daring to call White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders a fucking liar (to her face).

Meanwhile, Giuliani's sin was confirming that Huckabee Sanders is, in fact, a liar—as well as possibly implicating Trump in a whole host of crimes.

Giuliani then tried to clean up the mess he'd help create by releasing a hastily written, nonsensical statement aimed at walking back his earlier admissions (confessions).

At this time, there's no word on whether Trump dictated that letter, too.

Sunday Talk: Consciousness of Guilt

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Saturday April 21, 2018 · 9:28 PM PDT

2018/04/21 · 21:28

This week, the fallout over the FBI raid on Michael Cohen continued, with widespread reports that the people advising President @realDonaldTrump are growing increasingly concerned about the possibility that he'll flip on his client (not Sean Hannity).

Although Cohen has remained loyal to Trump for many, many years, he's never before faced the prospect of being made a black man's wife.

Now, with his freedom in the balance, Cohen is no doubt weighing his options—and that potentially spells big trouble for Trump.

Of course, none of this would matter if, as Trump contends, he's done nothing wrong; but his recent behavior tells a far different story.

And furthermore, all of this talk about Cohen possibly flipping on him seems to suggest that Trump is guilty of something—probably many things.

Sunday Talk: A TOTAL WITCH HUNT!!!

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Saturday April 14, 2018 · 9:28 PM PDT

2018/04/14 · 21:28

This week, America faced its worst attack since the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor.

Armed with a search warrant, FBI stormtroopers raided the office and residences of Michael Cohen, President @realDonaldTrump's long-time personal attorney/"fixer," seizing various documents, electronic devices, and recordings that are probably not covered by attorney-client privilege.

This has caused great concern and consternation for Trump and his allies—as well it should.

After all, a good argument could be made that the months-long criminal investigation into Cohen's dealings poses an even greater danger to Trump and his (poor excuse for a) presidency than Robert Mueller's investigation does.

Now, that being said, it's not just Cohen and Trump who ought to be alarmed by these developments.

I mean, what kind of signal does it send to the rest of the world when the president and those advising him aren't even allowed to violate the law as they see fit?!

Sunday Talk: The Law of Supply & Demand

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Saturday March 31, 2018 · 9:28 PM PDT

2018/03/31 · 21:28

During his eight years in office, President Obama never once required the services of a criminal defense lawyer—presumably because wearing a tan suit isn't illegal.

On the other hand, President @realDonaldTrump has only been in office for a little over 14 months, but in that short period of time, he's required the services of a whole army of lawyers.

Unfortunately for Trump, his reputation—for lying and non-payment, among other offenses—precedes him, and that has made it difficult to retain good council [sic].

As a result, when Trump sends his lawyers into court, he's not sending his best.

In fact, some of Trump's lawyers are so bad that they need criminal defense lawyers of their own.

Sunday Talk: Every Man For Himself

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Saturday March 24, 2018 · 9:28 PM PDT

2018/03/24 · 21:28

For much of the last year, as President @realDonaldTrump has descended further and further into madness, many people with good intentions have sought to assure us that the so-called "adults in the room" would save us.

Unfortunately, recent events have shown us that this was just wishful thinking.

In what is surely a coincidence, two of the "adults" have been summarily dismissed in a most humiliating fashion, shortly after speaking critically of Russia—in both cases, with the tacit knowledge and approval of the other "adults."

Seeking their replacements, Trump has turned to his most trusted advisor—the TV.

There, in his safe space, he has found numerous like-minded individuals who share his bloodlust, and promise unquestioning loyalty.

Now, with Trump's new "war cabinet" quickly coming into focus, one thing has become increasingly clear—we're all gonna fucking die!

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