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View Diary: I am an idiot (48 comments)

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  •  Anger is a tell. (1+ / 0-)
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    You wrote this:

    I tried to be neutral. I asked questions but I guess she thought I was questioning her intelligence bc she started getting angry. Something I've NEVER seen in ten years. Her right eye was literally twitching. She eventually called me stupid...
    We see similar reactions from time to time in various diaries. Sometimes it is just human nature, but other times there is something else going on. Some people need to feel they must always control the agenda, always "expect" agreement, and insist on having the last word every time. For some it is a game. For others there is more going on, whether they realize it, or not. Raised voices are often another sign of these anger/control issues.

    I won't offer any diagnosis; not helpful, and beyond my expertise. But there have been people in my life who behaved like this --- even if only for one or two episodes. That was enough for me to either learn how not to let my self be manipulated by them into a painfully co-dependent relationship (see other comments that mention egg-shells), or to learn to let go of that person for the sake of my own health, safety and sanity; and perhaps my own reputation and relationships among other valued people in my life.

    It hurts, either way, when a friendship goes awry; but sometimes it does need to happen --- a wake-up event; a time for introspection and reflection.

    Lastly, some people we think we know, online and/or in real life do have real, sometimes dangerous, problems controlling anger. I am genuinely glad your tough "conversation" did not end in violence --- some do. Far too often. And sometimes words can be as hurtful as a fist, or any other weapon.

    Am not meaning to lecture you, but rather seeking to share how this situation presents to me as you have painted it in your diary, as I would for any friend who asked, from my several decades experience of living and learning a few things about life.

    Not trying to scare you; but anger is a tell. Please consider this, and be careful.

    Do what feels right for you. Really. For you.

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