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View Diary: FckH8 - A letter from a Dad to his afraid, gay son. (110 comments)

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  •  Man, I can't imagine this. (18+ / 0-)

    Not only have I not told my Dad that I'm gay, I have absolutely no plans to do so. My dad is evil, and he's being evil tonight. It's only 6:30, and he sounds exactly as drunk and mean as he has the entire rest of my life. He's only been home maybe ten minutes so far, and he's already fussed saying things like my mom has been "laying on the fucking sofa all day long", which is just a total fiction he's created in his head. He hasn't been here to know what she's done today; I have, and she hasn't been laying around. He called the cat a "mean bastard" just because; the cat wasn't doing anything except sitting there. He then said the cat must take back after my mom. He then said that if he wasn't "tied up with this family, he'd haul ass". He's turning 80 years old next month. He has been threatening to leave us my whole life; he's never left. I can't count how many times I have desperately hoped my dad wouldn't come home, but he always does.

    I can't imagine having a loving father like the author of this note.

    •  Just remember his evilness can't change you! (8+ / 0-)

      He doesn't deserve any honest conversation from you. He has done nothing to deserve the right to call himself your father. My father-in-law is just that evil. He came home drunk every night and beat the shit out of my husband in the empty lot next to their house. Every neighbor hated his father and loved him.
      When I met my husband, he never smiled, he has caps. His father told me the second time I met him, that he had dirty rotten teeth under those caps! How do you do that to your child? Some people don't deserve to be called parents, your father and my father-in-law are two of them.
      You be strong and know you are loved, he doesn't deserve anything from you!

      Republicans piss on you and tell you it's raining, Democrats hand you an umbrella!

      by Nica24 on Fri Mar 15, 2013 at 03:50:11 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

    •  I would have likely faced (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      bkamr, Calamity Jean

      the same situation with my own mother -- when I brought home a copy of The Joy of Lesbian Sex for a Human Sexualities class project, my mother questioned the reading material with a comment that "gays are icky."

      I hope parents like ours will one day be the exception and not the rule, and that notes like the one in the diary don't need to be publicized because there's nothing unusual about them.

      There's only one rule that I know of, babies -- goddammit, you've got to be kind. -- Kurt Vonnegut

      by Cali Scribe on Fri Mar 15, 2013 at 03:54:12 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  Well.... (3+ / 0-)

        "Gays are icky" isn't necessarily the kiss of death.

        My Mom would say "Gays are icky". And her attitude towards her bi-with-a-girlfriend granddaughter can best be summarized thusly: I love my granddaughter. She's my first granddaughter and I love her with all my heart. She's a wonderful young lady. I do not care who she loves. Just don't make me think about it too much, mmmkay?

        Hey, Mom's 70. It's a generational thing.

        "Maybe: it's a vicious little word that could slay me"--Sara Bareilles

        by ChurchofBruce on Fri Mar 15, 2013 at 05:45:17 PM PDT

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    •  Even if she was laying around (5+ / 0-)

      that's still wrong.  I have a horrible cold, so I have been laying around all day - I certainly don't deserve to have someone scream at me about it.  

      I'm so sorry.  I hope you have good people in your life to provide the support and love you so richly deserve.

    •  He just repeated the "haul ass" comment. (5+ / 0-)

      He is such a total shit. Over the endless years of him threatening to leave us, Mom has told him to go more times than I can count. But he never does. He says he's tied down to us, but he's totally free to leave. The problem is he knows that no one wants to be around him and it's because no one can stand how mean he is to everyone.

    •  We have a coyote problem. (5+ / 0-)

      My niece's husband Greg has been trying to hunt them down. He came over a few minutes ago to park and wait to see if any come in the yard tonight. My dad just came in from smoking a cigarette and told my mom, "Your buddy Greg is here, but I reccon you already know that."

      Essentially, my dad just accused my mom of cheating on him with my niece's husband. My dad accuses my mom of cheating on him at least once a week now. He'll accuse her of having another man just because she takes her dog for a walk on our farm. He'll accuse her of having another man just because she dares to argue back when he's mean to her.

      I swear my dad is flat-out insane. Not to mention evil.

      •  Insane and evil sucks (4+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        chimene, Calamity Jean, JeffW, LSophia

        It doesn't help, but realize your dad is far unhappier than you are and he's just trying to weigh you down.  Plus, as you noted, insane and evil.

        Depending on his distance from you, you can use this to sympathize with him (as you may do after he's gone) or reflect upon it with a bit of pleasure when he's hassling you.

        Both responses are natural. And it's natural to manage both responses at the same time.  I've done it.

        (-6.38, -7.03) Moderate left, moderate libertarian

        by Lonely Liberal in PA on Fri Mar 15, 2013 at 08:32:17 PM PDT

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      •  That is a sure sign of an abusive spouse, they (3+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        Calamity Jean, JeffW, samddobermann

        always accuse the spouse of having affairs , they insult the spouse regularly, they are mean and nasty and threaten to never do. I have worked with victims of abuse for decades as a therapist and most victims wish, hope , pray the abuser will just them and never see them again.

        How old is your mother by the way? It sounds like you all and especially your mother have been living in hell.

        Follow PA Keystone Liberals on Twitter: @KeystoneLibs

        by wishingwell on Fri Mar 15, 2013 at 08:35:31 PM PDT

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      •  Can you get HER out of there? (0+ / 0-)

        Give her a few years of peace?

        I'm asking you to believe. Not in my ability to bring about real change in Washington ... *I'm asking you to believe in yours.* Barack Obama

        by samddobermann on Sat Mar 16, 2013 at 02:02:54 PM PDT

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    •  brutally honest. (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      vacantlook, wishingwell

      thanks for sharing that with us, vacantlook.

      every adult is responsible for every child

      by ridemybike on Fri Mar 15, 2013 at 06:26:49 PM PDT

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    •  I feel so badly for you and your mother as that (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Calamity Jean

      is verbal and emotional abuse. Has he ever been physically to you or your mother over the years? Do you currently live with your parents? If so, that must be very, very difficult.  

      So he is 80 and still drinking heavily..Yikes, that will not bode well for his health. When I think about how my dad quit drinking the day he became a dad, I am grateful. My dad was such a kind man and kept in good shape, ate nutritiously, followed doctor;'s orders, never smoked and he still could not even make it close to 80, died of a very rare cancer in his early 7os. Yet your dad is 80 and still drinking heavily? His liver and stomach must be a mess.  

      Follow PA Keystone Liberals on Twitter: @KeystoneLibs

      by wishingwell on Fri Mar 15, 2013 at 08:30:54 PM PDT

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    •  Tell him off! it is the most (0+ / 0-)

      satisfying, freeing thing to do.

      I told my father he was a nasty old dick head and always has been... and a few other kind words.

      I got to do so twice. I just wish I had done so much earlier.

      I'm asking you to believe. Not in my ability to bring about real change in Washington ... *I'm asking you to believe in yours.* Barack Obama

      by samddobermann on Sat Mar 16, 2013 at 01:58:07 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

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