https://www.dailykos.com/news/ProfessorFord News Community Action Copyright 2005 - Steal what you want Sun, 26 Jan 2020 04:03:59 +0000 Sun, 26 Jan 2020 04:03:59 +0000 Daily Kos rss@dailykos.com (Daily Kos) Daily Kos rss@dailykos.com (Daily Kos) https://www.dailykos.com/story/2018/9/28/1799845/-An-invitation-to-men-to-talk-about-toxic-masculinity <p>I appreciate all of the kind words of support on a number of the posts I have shared in the past 48 hours both on <a href="https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2018/9/27/1799181/-To-my-fellow-men-who-are-questioning-Professor-Ford" target="_blank">DK </a>and moreso on Facebook <a href="http://www.facebook.com/jimkeady" target="_blank" title="">(www.facebook.com/jimkeady)</a>. I offer the following to my fellow men as an invitation to join in the national conversation on toxic masculinity.</p> <p>While I am now using my voice and the platform I have to challenge all men, myself included, to do better, I also want to be really clear that I have made my share of mistakes.</p> <div> <p>I have at times in my life objectified women; I have said things that were inappropriate; I have a very vivid memory of inappropriately groping a girl when I was in 6th or 7th grade; I have told stories of sexual exploits with women to get the approval of "the boys." I am ashamed of all of this. I am ashamed of perpetuating the toxic male culture.</p> <p>I am working to deconstruct that culture now, because the men who came before me did not and the women who have been harmed by that fact deserve better. I am working to deconstruct it now, not because I am better than any other men out there, in fact, it may be because I was worse and that I know the culture and mindset in which events like the story told by Dr. Ford can happen. I am working to deconstruct that culture now because I know the mindset where someone like Judge Kavanaugh, if the allegations are true, feels he can do things and not be held accountable.</p> <p>Nearly every man in America grew up socialized to believe that this (toxic masculinity) is how you are "a man." This is even more pronounced in the elite all-boys schools; it is even more pronounced among athletes; it is even more pronounced within college fraternities - all of which I was a part of and understand from firsthand experience.  </p> <p>Deep down, there are a lot of "men" who are simply scared little boys. Deep down we are hurt. Deep down we feel unloved and unlovable and at times, we try to assert ourselves in ways to take away the pain at the expense of girls and women. Sometimes that takes the form of sexist a joke at a woman's expense. Other times it takes the extreme form of violence. The fact is that people who are hurt have a tendency to hurt other people. Or more simply, hurt people - hurt people.</p> <p>I want to help heal the pain and stop people from hurting others because of their pain. I want my fellow men to know that it's ok to talk about this stuff. This is what women are asking us for. First, to stop hurting them. Second, to do the work to understand why we hurt them so that we can break the cycle for future generations.</p> <p>I am not certain of many things, but I am certain of this... The only way to healing and self-love is through healing the pain we have deep down and owning the pain we have caused others. I know this because I have done (and continue to do) this work. I'll be honest, it sucks at times. But it is absolutely worth it. It is the only way to become a "real man."</p> <p>Peace, JWK</p> </div> rss@dailykos.com (Jim Keady) judgekavanaugh ProfessorFord toxicmasculinity _1799845 Sat, 29 Sep 2018 01:00:46 +0000