The Center for Disease Control (CDC) has issued a warning about a widespread outbreak of a disease it has dubbed Trumpism, which over the past several months has infected a wide swath of the American populace. The disease appears to have originated when reality TV star Donald Trump announced his bid for the Republican nomination for president on June 16, 2015 (hence the disease’s name). Scientists believe the disease has lain dormant among a certain sector of the population until Mr. Trump’s speech somehow activated it. The cause is currently undetermined by health officials.

Symptoms include inarticulate rage, homophobia, xenophobia (except against attractive Eastern European females), hatred of non-Christian religions, paranoia (especially believing that the news media are uniformly deceitful), mistrust of science, bullying others or actually committing physical violence against them, tantrums featuring such childish phrases as “He started it!,” a denial of proven facts, lying to a pathological degree, sudden cravings for a spray tan, constantly repeating the sentence “He tells it like it is,” a reduction of vocabulary to approximately 25 words, and the urge to be held and protected by a large orange-skinned man, namely Donald Trump.

Trumpism primarily affects older white Americans without college degrees who already displayed mild degrees of racism and xenophobia, but whose symptoms increased approximately a hundred-fold after listening to Mr. Trump or attending one of his rallies. The disorder also afflicts some self-hating minorities.

The disease is less harmful to its victims than to those around them. “I was at this Trump rally just standing quietly in protest,” said Darrell Jackson of Phoenix, a 25-year-old African American male who has not been infected by Trumpism, despite exposure to its carriers. “Suddenly the police dragged me away and this old white dude sucker punched me in the face as I was led out. Luckily he was about a hundred years old with arms like wet noodles, so it didn’t hurt that much.”

The CDC recommends that if you encounter a sufferer of Trumpism, you should back slowly away from them and head immediately to a locale populated by rational, intelligent people, such as Canada, until the outbreak subsides or a treatment can be found.