From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Energize An Ally Three Allies Tuesday
A quick request for anyone who goes golfing with Trump today: could you please inform him that there are historically-awful wildfires raging in northern California right now, and he might want to take a moment between the 18th green and the time he starts shoving ice cream into his mouth hole and tweeting about the 2020 election or yanking NBC’s non-existent license to check and make sure the federal government is doing all it can to help out? That’d be great. Kthxbai.
So far 41 people are confirmed dead, hundreds still missing, and nearly 6,000 buildings have been vaporized by flameageddon. But the good news is that evacuation orders are being lifted as the blazes (14, down from 21 a week ago) are finally isolated and brought under control. But needless to say, things are still chaotic and a lot of people need a lot of immediate support.
While jetpacking around the internet for relief organizations I found three that came up frequently. So we’re highlighting them as this week’s Tuesday allies in the hopes that you will help fund them so they can do their work:
The Community Foundation of Sonoma County’s Resilience Fund
That Napa Valley Community Foundation Fire Donation Page
United Way’s Northern California Wildfire Relief and Recovery Fund
C&J is giving $20 to each fund, and we hope you’ll help out in any amount you’re able. And if anyone sees Mother Nature walking around, please tackle her and call 911. She’s in serious need of rehab.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold...
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, October 17, 2017
Note: All computers and smart phones will automatically be receiving the latest download of the C&J app today. This will take several hours and require you to surround your device with sandbags in a non-inhabited area as you stand back 500 yards wearing a blast helmet and safety goggles. Also, please don’t forget to click "I accept" when you get the pop-up box with the 249 pages of revised terms and conditions. And now that we think of it, 600 yards would probably be better. ---Mgt.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the special senate election in Alabama: 56
Days 'til the Chestnut Hill Harry Potter Festival & Quidditch Match in Philadelphia: 3
Estimated death toll from the weekend bombs in Somalia: 300
Percent of Americans who believe the U.S. is not headed toward another world war, according to a CBS News poll: 22%
Percent in the same poll who believe the Republican tax plan favors the rich: 58%
Number of Dollar Tree and Dollar general stores in America according to FiveThirtyEight: 27,465
Percent of Maine’s population that is English, Irish, and French, respectively: 21%, 18%, 16%
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Puppy Pic of the Day: “And wrapped the babe in swaddling Huggies...”
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CHEERS to the next gathering of the star chamber elders who secretly control the planet…with ribs and beer! Only 18 days until the next New England Kossack Meetup---November 4th starting at noon. If you’re in the southern Maine area that day, please join us (17 have RSVP’d so far) at our usual fall hangout: The Farm Bar And Grille at 57 State Street in Kittery, right across the Maine/New Hampshire border. (To get through the tollbooth, just slip the attendant a few bucks and use the secret password "Thanks.") To RSVP or get more info, email Kossack nhox42 at nhox42 [at] gmail.com. On the agenda: sharing anti-teeth-grinding strategies in the Trump-Pence era, fine-tuning the schematics of our latest War on Christmas catapults before they go into production, and the usual post-lunch group belching of the alphabet.
CHEERS to healthy competition. Conserva-Dem Senator Dianne Feinstein will be nearly 86 if she gets reelected next year and takes her oath for the fifth time in January, 2019. When that term ends, she’ll be a calcified 92. As a Mainer, I consider myself the ultimate authority on California politics, so you can trust me when I say it’s a good thing a more youthful progressive Democratic challenger just entered the race…a guy whose last name is synonymous with the fountain of youth, no less:
California Democratic state Senate President Kevin de León officially announced his campaign for U.S. Senate on Sunday, promising that he would “take the fight to Trump” if he successfully defeats incumbent Dianne Feinstein in the state’s primary next year.
De León, 50, represents Los Angeles and is seen as a leading Latino and progressive voice in the Democratic Party. He announced his bid challenging Feinstein in an online video released to supporters on Sunday in which he recounts his family’s immigrant experience.
In a separate email to supporters, de León committed to working for a progressive agenda, including universal health care---an issue that is quickly emerging as a key litmus test within the Democratic Party.
You can visit his web site here. Despite our enthusiasm, C&J isn’t quite ready to endorse Kevin yet. We’re still basking in our false sense of importance. (This ring ain’t gonna kiss itself, dude. Hello? Hello???)
CHEERS to Bill in Portland Maine: Nostradamus in training. Speaking of elections, here’s one in which I shall now demonstrate my superior fortune-telling skills. Please stand back as I make my latest prediction of future events that will affect the future in the future, as my seismic brain activity might melt down the components inside your smartphone. Here we go: I predict that the next mayor of New Orleans will be……a Democrat…..a person of color…..and….and….the first woman to lead the city in its 300-year history! Phew! I’m exhausted. Let’s roll the tape:
The next mayor of New Orleans, Louisiana, will be a woman, a first in the city’s nearly 300-year history.
Although the city has not yet elected its new mayor, both of the candidates to emerge from the first round of voting on Saturday are women.
The top two contenders, City Councilwoman LaToya Cantrell and former Municipal Court Judge Desiree Charbonnet, will now face each other in a runoff election on Nov. 18. (New Orleans uses a top-two “jungle primary” system in which nonpartisan elections proceed to a runoff if no candidate gets over 50 percent on the first ballot.)
Now if I could just perfect my spoon-bending skills I could take over the universe.
JEERS to Mr. Do-It-All. I’m starting to wonder if America shouldn’t be putting Jared Kushner’s face on milk cartons. For the first eight months of the Trump accidency, there wasn’t a photo or video that didn’t show him flashing his glazed-over stare within a few feet of his father-in-law. But over the last month the guy tasked with every job from bringing peace to the Middle East to overhauling the entire federal government has been completely out of the picture. I wonder why. Maybe it’s because he’s in ever-deepening doodoo over his now-clearly-falsified security clearance form that contained over 100 errors or omissions and now stands as THE most bullshitted form ever filled out by a White House employee. Or maybe the Dimpled Wonder is distracted by the fact that his shitty business skills may result in really shitty Hanukah presents from Mommy and Daddy this year:
The midtown Manhattan office tower owned by Kushner Cos. and Vornado Realty Trust is on track to lose $24 million this year, marking the worst performance for 666 Fifth Ave. since a 2011 refinancing.
The property had net operating income of $18.3 million for the six months ending in June, according to data filed by the property’s lenders. Debt payments were $30.4 million during the period. […]
The losses stem from a $1.2 billion mortgage that Kushner Cos. took on in 2007, when the tower was purchased at the peak of New York’s commercial-property market. While the refinancing temporarily lowered interest payments on the loan, rates have been climbing as a February 2019 repayment deadline approaches. The building is 30 percent vacant.
Or, of course, there’s always option 3 to explain his disappearance: still stuck in the White House dumbwaiter.
CHEERS to book learnin'. On October 17, 1979, President Jimmy Carter signed legislation creating the Department of Education. It's one of the departments that the tea partiers always threaten to abolish because of its communist-socialist-libtard mission to turn every school into a monolithic institution of brainwashing. Except, well, not so much….
The Department of Education does not establish schools or colleges …
Unlike the systems of most other countries, education in the United States is highly decentralized, and the federal government and Department of Education are not heavily involved in determining curricula or educational standards (with the recent exception of the No Child Left Behind Act). This has been left to state and local school districts. The quality of educational institutions and their degrees is maintained through an informal private process known as accreditation, over which the Department of Education has no direct public jurisdictional control.
Did ya catch that? George W. Bush, the mighty titan of the party of "states' rights," increased the federal government’s authority over public education. What will we tell the children? Anyway, happy birthday to all the hard workers at the Education Department. I know religion has no place in our public schools, but with Betsy DeVos in charge, we’re praying for you all.
JEERS to our crazy planet. Crazy wildfires in California, Portugal and Spain. Earthquakes in Mexico. Catastrophic hurricanes are hurled at the Gulf Coast and the Caribbean. And now the tenth hurricane of the season (which still has 44 days left) careens wildly into…freaking Ireland and Scotland??? I believe I speak for the entire planet when I say: go home, Mother Nature. You’re drunk.
CHEERS to blowing this popsicle stand. On this date in 532, Boniface II ended his reign as Catholic Pope, having finally saved enough money as a part-time farmhand to step down and blow this town to pursue his dream as a Broadway dancer. No, wait, wait, wait. Sorry---he actually died. That’s the last time I trust my history research to Footlooseipedia.
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Ten years ago in C&J: October 17, 2007
JEERS to God’s humble servants. The Vatican priest who heads the office that "oversees all the world's priests" just got busted for taking a wide stance at his computer and soliciting sex in gay chat rooms. It's understandable, though. I hear the wait time for an altar boy is six months.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to Today's Omigod Moment. Omigod Omigod Omigod Omigod Omigod Omigod Omigod Omigod OmigodOmigod Omigod YOU GUYS!!! The new trailer for Star Wars Episode VIII:The Last Jedi came out last week and it is so chock full of old-school awesomeness it makes me want to do a happy cantina dance. But what's really important is what Darth Vader's grandson Kylo Ren thinks of it:
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By the way, if you're taking Christmas requests, I want a life-size, fully-functional Imperial Walker. I’m planning to pay our governor a little visit.
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Bill in Portland Maine epitomizes incompetence that he attempts to conceal with his big mouth as if bloviating nonstop lies and absurdities will convince Daily Kos he is anything other than a monumental douchebag.
---rmuse
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