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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Reactions from Maine’s Capitol Hill Dwellers
Sen. Angus King (I)
“The senate passed a terrible bill tonight---a bill which will have negative impacts on the people of Maine and the country for decades to come. And what’s worse is, it didn’t have to be this way. We could have achieved targeted and affordable tax reform if we had worked together: convened hearings, brought in experts, and listened to the American people in order to craft a plan that meaningfully boosts economic growth and supports working people in Maine and across the country.
Now, we’re left with a bill that disproportionately benefits the wealthy, doesn’t do enough to help working Americans, and hurts our kids by blowing a trillion dollar hole in the deficit that they must pay back---and those are just the concerns we know about.”
Rep. Chellie Pingree (D)
“Because the bill explodes the deficit, you can bet that it will lead to cuts to programs we all depend on---like Medicaid,Medicare, and Social Security---when Republicans come back next year and say there’s no money. And in ending the individual mandate, millions more Americans will go uninsured, destabilizing the insurance market, bankrupting families with uncovered health costs, and driving up premiums for everyone who decides to keep their coverage. […] I’m absolutely appalled that Republicans have blindly pushed it forward despite all the warnings.”
Rep. Bruce Poliquin (R)
“Sure, I’m fucked next November. But, hey, at least I’m rich!!!”
Sen. Susan Collins (R)
“You people are, like, so sexist. Like, I can’t even believe how you went all sexist on me just cuz I made a bunch of deals with Mitchy that he totally bailed on. Gimme a break---legislating is hard. So the corporations get their tax cuts forever but you only get yours for, like, three years or two years or maybe just that one year, I dunno who reads these things? But we just, like, gave you a thousand dollars or something like that to pay for your next kitchen remodeling. You’re such ungrateful little bitches. Man up. Man up or shut up, y’know? And quit being so sexist. You’re so sexist to me all the time. It’s so unfair.”
Bad Americans. Bad!
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold...[Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, December 21, 2017
Note: After tomorrow evening’s (7:30ET) C&J is posted, we'll be settling in for a long winter's nap that will last until next Wednesday. C&J wishes you all a happy holiday. May your stocking overflow and your fruitcake be salmonella-free. Message: we care. ---Mgt.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the 2018 midterm election: 319
Days 'til the Winter Session Brew Fest in Portland, Maine: 23
Number of firefighters who have battled the Thomas wildfire in Southern California---the largest mobilization to fight a wildfire in state history: 8,500
Percent of Americans who support the Republican tax bill, versus 52% who oppose it, according to an average of polls in December: 33%
Percent chance that that approval-disapproval spread is worse than even the tax hikes by Bill Clinton and George H.W. Bush: 100%
Rise in the level of the Delaware River that’s needed to allow the annual Christmas reenactment of Washington’s crossing to happen (not likely): 8”
Number of troops, horses and cannon, respectively, Washington took across the river in 1776: 2,400 / 200 / 18
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
We live in a great nation---among the Christmas catalogs is one especially for dog owners, full of dandy things you can get for Bowser and Fido.
I was perusing the item about the "Gourmet Bone Basket"---"He'll jump for joy when he sees this handwoven, bone-shaped basket brimming with over two pounds of the most popular dog treats"---when what to my wondering eyes should appear but the item immediately underneath the Christmas gift basket for your dog. "Hanukkah Bowl With Treats," in case your dog is Jewish.
"Say Mazel Tov to the dog in your life! Elegant, silver-plated 8-inch bowl is filled with hand-decorated, all natural peanut butter treats: six Star of David cookies and a Menorah bone, plus a furry ball squeak toy." Now that I think of it, the poodle has shown distinct symptoms of being Jewish for years: She's incredibly smart, has a mordant sense of humor and loves bagels.
---December 1998
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Wheelbarrowing in a winter wonderland…
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CHEERS and JEERS to wearing white way after Labor Day. Autumn ends this morning at 11:28 ET---when the sun is directly over the Tropic of Capricorn, or 23.5° south latitude---and will be replaced with the season popularly known as "Is it !#&%!! spring yet?" It's coming in more lambish than liony (up here, at least), although we’re in for a messy Christmas. Today is also the shortest and darkest day of the year, so at least we can look forward to teeny tiny slivers of extra light through late June. Plus: nothing tastes better in winter than a steaming bowl of clam chowder during a blizzard. And now, here it is: your Moment of Stonehenge…
Bonus winter tip: during ice storms, there's no need to salt your sidewalk. A public service message from the Society of Unscrupulous Chiropractors.
CHEERS to new adventures. NASA announced a couple more finalists in its New Frontiers program. Prepare to geek out:
The first mission, spearheaded by Steve Squyres at Cornell University, is called CAESAR, or Comet Astrobiology Exploration Sample Return. It will involve sending a spacecraft to comet Churyumov-Gerasimenko, the same comet recently explored by the European Space Agency, collecting at least 3.5 ounces of samples from the comet’s surface, and returning those samples back to Earth.
The second mission, spearheaded by Elizabeth Turtle at the Johns Hopkins Applied Physics Laboratory, is called Dragonfly. It’ll involve sending a helicopter-like robot to the surface of Titan, one of Saturn’s moons. Titan’s considered one of the best candidates for alien life. The Dragonfly mission proposes a so-called dual-quad copter,which will hop from site to site to take a variety of measurements, including what the surface is made of, how it’s layered, and what the atmospheric conditions are.
Hey, I have a mission I’d love to see the New Horizons people try: lay out a trail of Big Macs to lure Trump into a pod, slam the door, and hit the “Launch” button. I bet that would break a pay-per-view record.
JEERS to bad spelling. On today's date in 1989, Vice President Dan Quayle sent out 30,000 Christmas cards that said: "May our nation continue to be the beakon of hope to the world." Really:
We're sure he regrets the mistace.
JEERS to turning a blind eye to pedophilia. Cardinal Bernard Law, former archbishop of Boston, is finally dead. (Anybody need a tissue? Anyone? No?) During his reign, dozens of his robed underlings were schtupping boys faster than Wonder could pump out loaves of bread, and Law did his best to sweep it all under the rug. (He eventually left Boston in disgrace but was given a cushy, no-responsibilities job in the Vatican. Heckuva job, John Paul II.) Settlement money to date from those sex crimes: $95 million. Damage done to the hundreds of victims: incalculable. Law was 86. I don’t want to say he knows where he’s going now, but in his will he requested to be buried in flame-retardant bloomers.
CHEERS to making a joyful noise…REALLY LOUD! Here’s something you can toss into whatever vacant nook or cranny you can find in your brain: the mating ritual of the corvina fish is now officially the loudest sound made by any species of sea life:
When the fish mate, males produce short, sharp sonic pulses like gunshots. When they sing in chorus, the sound is loud enough to hear from fishing boats. […]
The mating chorus is so loud that it raises the normal level of sound in the environment by 21 times, making the phenomenon “a true wildlife spectacle,” the researchers wrote.
This cacophony is loud enough to cause permanent hearing loss in dolphins and sea lions but in spite of the dangers both sea animals stick around to feed among the millions of visiting fish.
True fact: NRA head Wayne LaPierre never vacations when the machine-gun fish are spawning. The sound gives him painful erections that last way longer than four hours.
CHEERS to Dramamine. 397 years ago today, 103 Pilgrims arrived at Plymouth, Massachusetts following their two-month voyage aboard the Mayflower. And what are the chances they would just happen to step onto the Plymouth Rock? Totally staged. Sad! Fake history!
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Ten years ago in C&J: December 21, 2007
CHEERS to Harold Meyerson. The Washington Post columnist distills the Republicans' little, um, religious problem into a potent potable:
We've seen this kind of Christianity before in America. It's more tribal than religious, and it surges at those times when our country is growing more diverse and economic opportunity is not abounding. ... The most depressing thing about the Republican presidential race is that the party's rank and file require their candidates to grow meaner with each passing week. And now, inconveniently, inconsiderately, comes Christmas, a holiday that couldn't be better calibrated to expose the Republicans' rank, fetid hypocrisy.
Thanks for the reminder, Baby Jesus.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to fine literature. A C&J short story for the holidays. I call this Rudolph the Red Nosed Asskicker and Name Taker:
Chapter One
Rudolph was a reindeer. He had a very shiny nose. All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names.
So he called in a favor with the state liquor commission and got Dasher's license to sell booze at the Velvet Antler sports bar revoked.
…and levied a $7.5 billion fine against Dancer’s Payday Loan operation for consumer fraud.
…and busted Prancer for running a meth lab and a reindeer prostitution ring.
…and shut down Vixen Industries for multiple OSHA violations.
…and redirected subsidies for Comet's fracking operation to the solar and wind sector.
…and nailed Cupid for tax evasion.
…and sent Donder to prison for insider trading.
…and trounced Republican incumbent Blitzen in the midterm election.
All of the other reindeer aren’t laughing anymore. Calling him names, yes. But laughing? Not so much.
The End
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
“There are people at the highest levels of government that don’t want to let Bill in Portland Maine be Bill in Portland Maine.”
---Donald Trump, Jr.
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