I'm tired...

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Friday May 18, 2018 · 9:01 PM PDT

2018/05/18 · 21:01

I'm ignoring all the rules here. No catchy photo. No catchy headline.

I just want to share something. This tragedy today? I lived in Santa Fe. I spent over two years cashing and depositing checks for these kids parents. It was my home. I know these people. They aren't perfect, but they aren't deserving of this.

I spent years learning my trade in Galveston county. I learned how to be a Paramedic there. I know what UTMB looks like when a mass shooting happens. I've held a victims heart in my hand. I've been the only thing between a victim and death.

That was over 20 years ago. And I have to experience it again. Over. And over. And over. And over. And over. Again. I still work in the industry. Only now I'm responsible for millions of people (and that is not an exaggeration.)

I'm very tired. Can someone please give me a reason to go back to my work on Monday?

Actually.... Can someone give me a reason to answer the inevitable phone calls I'll get tonight, tomorrow, tomorrow night, Sunday morning, Sunday afternoon, Sunday night, and every other moment of my life?

I have love for every single one of you. It's why I do what I do.

But it is not an easy thing. Some of us give up everything.

And then we see our former home's high school get shot up. And we feel lost. We feel like we wasted everything. Cause what was my efforts worth? What did I accomplish?

Clearly nothing.

Clearly we learned absolutely nothing.

We are idiots. Good night my friends.

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