From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
"He's #1! He's #1!"
George Washington may have been first in the hearts of his countrymen, but Donald Trump has accomplished a lot of firsts during his presidency. For example…
» First to enter office believing that America isn’t a great country
» First to never come close to 50% approval when all polls are averaged together
» First to tell 10,000 lies in two years (or any time frame)
» First to exchange love letters with the Butcher of North Korea
» First to spend most of his presidency watching TV and golfing
» First to be elected for his business acumen, despite having lost more money than any other president
» First to take Russia's side over America's on virtually every issue, including cyber warfare
» First to do special favors for countries and corporations who spend money at his resorts
» First to have over a dozen credible allegations of sexual assault or outright rape against him
» First to publicly defend Nazis as "very fine people"
» First to grow an inch while in office
» First to break more commandments than any other president while refusing to ask forgiveness but being forgiven anyway by his religious base who believes he was literally chosen by God
» First to base his policies on what three dimwit cable TV morning show hosts say
» First to blow off reading his daily security briefings
» First to paint his face orange and his lips and eye sockets pink
» First to claim he "hires only the best people" while having the highest turnover rate of any president by a mile
» First to walk around in public with toilet paper stuck to his shoe
Golly, what a swell legacy. Suck on that, George.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, June 24, 2019
Note: Today's horoscopes have been canceled on account of our horoscope writer's horoscope says to steer clear of writing horoscopes, so what can ya do? —Mgt.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the Democratic debates in Miami: 2
Days 'til the NYC LGBT Pride March: 6
Current number of House reps on record as backing an impeachment inquiry: 74
Drop in the cost of wind power prices since 2010, according to Think Progress: 49%
Drop in the cost of solar power prices since 2010: 85%
Estimated percent of India's population that will have no drinking water by 2030, according to Al Jazeera: 40%
Per-ounce price of gold as of Friday, up 10% for the year and the highest since 2013: $1,400
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Puppy: And the world's ugliest dog for 2019 is…
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CHEERS to ribs 'n rhetoric. Several of the Democratic candidates spent their weekend down south at the South Carolina Presidential Convention in Columbia. For the first time this election cycle, it's clear to me that having over twenty candidates is just too many to listen to or keep track of, though lord knows I tried. If it helps, here's my CliffsNotes version that's easy to digest:
Whichever candidate on your presidential ballot has the "D" next to her or his name on November 3, 2020 is the one you vote for to get better health care, stronger reproductive rights, liberal judges on federal benches, an end to kids in cages, a robust resurgence in climate-crisis policy, strides toward income equality, restored friendships with our allies, repeal of the tax cuts for the rich, equality in employment and public accommodation for LGBT Americans, scientists reclaiming the throne from the religious wackos, no longer waking up wondering to yourself “What has the idiot in the White House done today,” and a suitcase containing $10,000 in small, unmarked bills.
Otherwise you get four more years of Trump and likely a stint in a gulag.
Any questions?
JEERS to the monster at the helm. Hey, everybody, guess what? The President of the United States rapes women. And on Friday one more has come forward at great personal risk to tell her story:
Prominent advice columnist E. Jean Carroll has alleged that Donald Trump sexually assaulted her more than 20 years ago during an encounter in a Bergdorf Goodman dressing room. […]
Carroll wrote that she ran into Trump—then married to Marla Maples at the time—who she says told her was buying a gift for"a girl." She wrote that Trump enlisted her help in picking out the present and that he suggested lingerie. When they picked out an item, she writes, he suggested she try it on for him. Once in the dressing room, Carroll says Trump assaulted her.
"The next moment, still wearing correct business attire, shirt, tie, suit jacket, overcoat, he opens the overcoat, unzips his pants, and, forcing his fingers around my private area, thrusts his penis halfway—or completely, I'm not certain—inside me," Carroll wrote."It turns into a colossal struggle."
For those of you keeping score, today the religious right will issue their 1,000th "Mulligan" to Trump, granting him a free pass despite his lack of repentance, and re-asserting that he's the second coming of Jesus Christ. And in other news: Satan begins construction on new circle of hell in anticipation of future caravan of right-wing Christians.
CHEERS to the 19th century comeback kid. Grover Cleveland ran this crazy republic from 1885 to 1889, sat on the sidelines for four years after losing to Benjamin Harrison, and then bounced back to wrangle the White House for another term in 1892, making him both #22 and #24 in the history books. And check this out: while Lincoln has to make do with the $5 bill and Washington only gets the buck, Cleveland gets the friggin' grand…
Anyway, he shuffled off his mortal coil 111 years ago today and so far he hasn't bounced back from that. But as a wise zombie once said: "Never say die."
CHEERS and JEERS to the weather. Here's…the weather:
This has been…the weather.
CHEERS to…Tucker Carlson??? Not even six months of chemotherapy left me with as bad a taste in my mouth as I just got after writing that. But…stopped clock, meet twice a day:
“According to John Bolton, [Iraq’s] a raging success. We killed hundreds of thousands of people, lost thousands of our own troops, spent more than $1 trillion all to eliminate a WMD threat that despite John Bolton’s assurances, never existed in the first place.
Bolton is glad we did all that. Really happy about it. That’s demented. Normal people don’t talk about that. There’s nothing normal about John Bolton.”
He called Bolton a “bureaucratic tapeworm” who never suffers despite the pain and suffering he’s inflicted on others. “His life really is Washington in a nutshell. Blunder into obvious catastrophes again and again, refuse to admit blame, and then demand more of the same. That’s the John Bolton life cycle,” Carlson added.
If you need me this morning I'll be standing in my decontamination chamber getting scrubbed down with a Brillo pad.
CHEERS to 1-900-CLARENCETHOMAS. Hey, who's up for some SCOTUS hilarity! During this week in 1989, the Supreme Court refused to shut down the dial-a-porn industry, saying that indecent speech is not the same thing as obscenity, and is therefore protected. Interestingly, the justices in the majority all had cauliflower ears. Coincidence, I'm sure.
P.S. Speaking of perverts, Clarence Thomas turned (only) 71 yesterday. He found a little, um, "present" on his Coke can when he woke up. We all chipped in, sir.
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Ten years ago in C&J: June 24, 2009
CHEERS to Bongmeister Barney. The Massachusetts congressman says when it comes to marijuana legalization, it's time for some Frank talk:
Frank has filed a bill that would eliminate federal penalties for personal possession of less than 100 grams of marijuana. It would also make the penalty for using marijuana in public just $100.
"I think John Stuart Mill had it right in the 1850s," said Congressman Frank, "when he argued that individuals should have the right to do what they want in private, so long as they don't hurt anyone else. It's a matter of personal liberty. Moreover, our courts are already stressed and our prisons are over-crowded. We don't need to spend our scarce resources prosecuting people who are doing no harm to others."
As Digby points out, the pious, patriarchal and puritanical politicians will "preen and prance" to prohibit the puffing of pot. Prudes. [6/24/19 Update: What a difference a decade makes.]
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the comeback kid. Friday night...
An energetic Mick Jagger skipped, spun, sprinted and pranced Friday night as the Rolling Stones launched their North American tour at Chicago's Soldier Field.
The 75-year-old showed no sign of ill health three months after the tour was postponed because a doctor said he required medical treatment.
By all visible indications: Jagger was Jagger.
Oh waitress? I'll have what he’s having.
Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
“If you just ever want to talk, grab dinner, vent, splash in the Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool—whatever, Bill in Portland Maine is here. Stand tall and strong.”
—Sean Hannity
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