Let's face it. George Bush is a master debater. And cut out the snickering, you junior high school kids.
Americans don't like the smart kids, and George Bush has been smart enough to know that. I mean, really, "strategery?" Come on. All those soccer moms and security moms and soccer security moms know he's one of them.
When we wake up Friday morning, George Bush will have won. We can't say for certain, but the debate will probably have been a complete disaster for George Bush's opponent.
As GOP strategist and truth talker Mike Murphy put it yesterday, George Bush is like a running back grinding out the yardage in a manly fashion. And as Mike Murphy so truthfully said, George Bush's opponent is more like a person playing a less, um, manly game, like tennis. Tennis is what they play in the home city of George Bush's opponent. If only we had a candidate who was a cage wrestling knife fighter who likes to bite ears.
George Bush is a genius and a man of the people who knows how to connect with the average American, who can't be expected to know what "geo-political hegemony" means, let alone such esoteric terms like "war of pre-emption." It puts George Bush's opponent at a severe disadvantage. Friday morning the polls will have George Bush at about 98%. And that's just in Massachusetts!
George Bush's opponent is likely to have Vietnamese food for dinner that night, and he might talk to someone who was born in Vietnam, which means George Bush can bring up Vietnam, which the voters are sick of hearing about, so why on earth would George Bush's opponent think that having Vietnamese food is a good idea? He said he was having a cheese steak with Brie, flip flopper!
Iraq? Don't talk to me about Iraq. I mean, Iraq is fine. Large portions of Iraq are having elections in January. Insurgents? George Bush is steadfastly determined to steadfastly defeat them, and the American people know that, steadfastly.
George Bush smells good, has a pleasant demeanor and is very good at clearing brush, unlike his tennis playing opponent. Tennis does not involve a large gasoline powered thing with a saw blade nor ear protection, like in NASCAR.
George Bush is likely to walk out of the auditorium Thursday night with his opponent bottled up. Literally. George Bush's opponent is likely to melt into a gooey mess right there on the TV, in which case Cokie will take George Bush's opponent and put him in a Ball Jar, Cokie being originally from the South and carrying Ball Jars in her pocket-book, in case Piggily-Wiggly is out.
George Bush is likely to fly to Florida for the debate/info-tainment event under his own power, wearing a super-hero cape. He will re-roof thousands of Florida homes destroyed by hurricanes Ivan, Frances and those other two by simply waving his pleasant smelling arm.
Let's face it, George Bush's opponent has no chance. Karl Rove is God and the Green Lantern rolled in to one dynamic human being. I wish I could have barbeque with them.
But really, the problem is not George Bush's opponent, now that I think about it. I am the problem. I loathe myself for being a cheese eating French fry. I wouldn't know a zone defense from a bump and run, although I know what bump and run is in golf, because that's the kind of effete game that liberals like. I've given up all hope, and am now sitting in a darkened room eating a leftover Hot Pocket and drinking a cold cup of Starbucks, waiting to see what is on Bravo. I wish I liked NASCAR, but I don't.
