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Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Note: I've been "missing" for the last three days, and Greta van Susteren didn't come looking for me once.
By the Numbers:
Days `til Labor Day: 6
Days `til the 2nd season of Hogan's Heroes is released on DVD: 28
Percent of Americans who disapprove of the way Bush has conducted the Iraq war: 58%
Percent who think it's "OK for people who oppose the war in Iraq to express their opposition publicly": 87%
(Source: AP-Ipsos poll via Kossack Lapin)
Months Michael and I have been together as of today: 147
Number of minutes it takes off a fundamentalist knuckledragger's life just thinking about gays in long-term, committed relationships: 16 minutes per thought
Your Puppy Pic of the Day "Can we keep it, Mom? Can we, can we??"
CHEERS to The Weather Channel. The most riveting thing on TV Sunday night was a bunch of guys and gals standing either outside in a parking lot or inside pointing at a map. They make `24' seem like the Watching Paint Dry Hour.
CHEERS to the movers and shakers. The good news: we can only imagine how much worse things might have been if the disaster management folks, city officials, and emergency crews hadn't been on the ball; y'all averted Armageddon. The bad news: you've got one helluva mess to clean up. "We need 40 thousand jumbo Swiffers on Bourbon Street!"
JEERS to the stragglers. So you think you're being cute staying behind in the French Quarter so you can splosh around in the "puddles" and make merry, huh? Take that as a sign that you need to get your sorry ass to an AA meeting now. If you're still around, that is.
JEERS to Mother Nature. Okay, okay, we get the message: vote for the Democrats in '06. Sheesh...you couldn'ta just sent an email?
CHEERS to reaching your goal. George W. Bush always loved Ronald "40" Reagan. He wants to walk like "40," talk like "40," wear cowboy boots like "40." Well, guess what George? The latest Gallup poll... says you've hit the magic number! So why, dear boy, don't you look happier??
P.S. Check out this little parenthetical tidbit in this week's Time magazine about Bush's "declining opinion polls" (that are echoed by "even worse" internal polling, says one Bush adviser). Ruh-roh.
JEERS to Sunni days ahead. The folks who occupy the middle third of Iraq are not happy with the draft constitution that will go to an Iraq-wide vote on October 15th. They're afraid they'll be all alone in the middle of nowhere with no revenue. The non-profit consulting arm of C&J has two words that, if heeded, will make them the crown jewel of the desert: casinos and prostitution. It works for Nevada.
JEERS to snuffing dissent. Big surprise: a critic of Halliburton's multi-billion-dollar no-bid contracts and blatant war-profiteering has been fired in retaliation by Cheney's goons. Lt. General (that's three stars on the shoulders) Bunnatine H. Greenhouse says, "I can unequivocally state that the abuse related to contracts awarded to [Halliburton subsidiary] KBR represents the most blatant and improper abuse I have witnessed." Whoa...save it for your tell-all book, sir. I mean, Ma'am. Sir Ma'am?
JEERS to Kum By Yah Republicans. The new young GOP coward's excuse for not heeding their leader's "higher calling" to go to Iraq and fight the evildoers (quoting directly from this must-see video) goes something like this:
"You need to be more sensitive... There's some people here tonight that would like to serve our country and would like to go, but for one reason or another they're unable to. Okay, so you need to realize there are people out there who would do that...people right in this room. You're not being sensitive to those people who don't have the opportunity to do that for one reason or the other..."
Besides, we hear the tennis courts in the Green Zone are---ick!---clay.
JEERS to furry ambushes. On this date in 1979, President Carter was attacked by a giant rabbit on a Georgia canoe trip. The bizarre event damaged his credibility. Five will get ya ten it was Karl Rove in a bunny suit.
JEERS to crackpots in the spotlight. Why was Fred Phelps and his brain-warped minions given valuable space in USA Today and NBC News, and ABC News over the weekend?? By covering those fringe knuckledraggers, they only legitimize them. Silly me, I forgot: there's two sides to everything...even blind, rabid hatred.
CHEERS to one less pesky religion to deal with. The Vatican wants to officially ban gay men from the priesthood. They'll be out of business in a week.
JEERS to forced gratitude. There seems to be a growing movement in the USA to force mandatory 20% tipping on patrons in hotels and restaurants. Thus giving waiters and bellhops the incentive to not give a crap. Thanks, but we still prefer to continue our custom of rewarding excellence with magic beans.
CHEERS to John Roberts in the crosshairs. Y'know, the more I read about this guy, the more I dislike him. Kudos to the New York Times for Saturday's blistering op-ed that presents good reasons to believe he'll be an "activist" judge. The money quote:
Conservatives have long complained that activist liberal judges interpret the Constitution to "create" rights, like the right to privacy. But there are a growing number of activist conservative judges who are intent on using new readings of the Constitution to take away rights. Of the two varieties of activist judges, that is by far the more dangerous kind.
Ah, to breathe the pungent, smoky air of the 1500s again...
JEERS to creepy people. Michael Jackson's birthday was yesterday. He's 47. Going on 8.
CHEERS to little reminders. Remember this from 2½ years ago? "We live in a time where we have a man sending us to war for fictitious reasons. Whether it's the fiction of duct tape, or the fiction of orange alerts. We are against this war, Mr. Bush. Shame on you, Mr. Bush, shame on you. And any time you got the Pope and the Dixie Chicks against you, your time is up." That crazy Michael Moore---he sure is looney, huh?
JEERS to arms control. On August 30, 1146, European leaders outlawed the crossbow with the hope of ending wars. That worked out really well, guys.
CHEERS to home vegetating. Out today on DVD: The Blues Brothers 25th Anniversary Edition, the underrated Cannonball Run pre-cursor, The Gumball Rally, and the outstanding Roosevelt biopic Warm Springs. I won't bore you with details about the discs that just arrived in a plain brown wrapper.
C&J Flashback: August 30, 2004...
CHEERS to flip-floppers. The Seattle Times endorsed Bush in 2000. This year, however, they're on the Kerry bandwagon because of "an ill-conceived war and its aftermath, undisciplined spending, a shrinkage of constitutional rights and an intrusive social agenda." The start of an op-ed tidal wave of common sense? [8/30/05 Update: Yes. For all the good it did.]
JEERS to Rudy: lapdog of the GOP. Despite softballs from Tim Russert, Giuliani is forced to admit on Meet the Press that he disagrees with Bush on almost everything: guns, gays, stem cell research, abortion, and anti-terror funding. All he could play was the "Vote Bush or we're gonna die!" card. If the next four days [of the GOP convention] are as clumsy as he was yesterday, this could be fun.
And just one more...
JEERS to slackers. "George W. Bush, please report to the Human Resources office. George W. Bush to the Human resources office. We need to talk..."
President Summer Approval
Truman 1949 58%
Eisenhower 1957 63%
Johnson 1965 65%
Nixon 1973 34%
Reagan 1985 61%
Clinton 1997 61%
Bush 2005 43%
Gallup poll numbers: Average approval rating of presidents at the end of the first summer of their second term.
And that's going in your personnel file, George! Now back to your cubicle.
Floor's open. What are you cheering and jeering about today
Today's Shameless Testimonial
"I regret that in the heat of the locker room atmosphere of the lobbying world, I sometimes---rarely, but sometimes---I resorted to language more common to a drill sergeant or Bill in Portland Maine."