Nick in Texas
says, "I wear glasses, but they fit my face, so they don't look goofy." Unfortunately, as the picture reveals, everything else about Nick is pretty goddamn goofy.
Bill in Idaho finds he "can no longer stomach the warm and fuzzy Liberal feminist Bush hating females." So if you're a cold, prickly, Bush-loving female, he is "making himself available" to you.
Ellaine in Indiana warns "don't yank my chain" or she'll unleash the fury of her mighty Republican cleavage.
Mark in Michigan wants you to know: "I love children (not as much as Micheal Jackson though!)."
Eric in New Mexico attends the New Mexico Institute of Technology and Mining ("the MIT of the DirtySouth"). He also has jungle fever and is a "Conservative Fo Life!"
Bill in Georgia starts his ad with "I have an overdeveloped sense of humor," and then says nothing remotely funny.
Leo in New Jersey reports, "I am kind of athletic it is very nice to have a woman similar physics but it is not a killer option."
Rich in Ohio: "I'm clearly a compassionate conservative, Christian. I donated my kidney to my cousin 7 months ago. This should tell you LOTS about me. I worked about 20 hours on W's campaign in OHIO, but my biggest contribution was 2 years of daily praying. God won this election."
Gary in Ohio has lots, and I mean lots, of requirements if you're going to be his lady but this is the big one: "I am not paying off someone's charge card debt where they bought some fly lookin rims and stereo for pimpin out her ex-boyfriends ride." You know who you are, ladies.
FabFord in California is "tired of looking in wrong places and finding whiny liberals snooty B^&%H." Also, he needs some longer ties.
Jay in Pennsylvania apparently volunteers with children born without faces.
Robert, whose location is a secret, wants a drop-dead gorgeous musician with four post-graduate degrees and is looking for such a person on the Hannity dating site, which is too funny for me to improve.
Also looking for love from a secret location, Lori reminds us that both "conservative" and "cameltoe" begin with C. If only "peroxide" did too, we'd have the trifecta.
Drew in Washington is 6'7" and candy-coated. How many licks does it take to get to the center?
Laurie in Kentucky says, "I'm you're basic middle school teacher." That explains why half the internet can't discern your from you're.
John in Arkansas might be my favorite, and not just for his enormous head: "Internet dating services are for losers, but Hannity may really have something here... where else could someone be guaranteed to find people whose vocabulary includes: talk radio, Fox News, Weekly Standard, and Drudge? What am I looking for? I don't want to sound conceited, but I'm not going to say looks aren't important because they are. Also, a girl must have some understanding of the aforementioned vocabulary. other than that, ???"
Derek in Texas understands that size doesn't matter: "I can proudly look at myself in the mirror and say I am making a difference no matter how small it is." That's the attitude, PeeWee!