From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Thoughts going through Karl Rove's mind this morning as the noose tightens...
Shit! Shit! Shit! Lawrence O'Donnell poopyman!! Everything you say bounces off me and sticks to you! Like glue! Hahahaha!!! I know you are but what am I?? Does your train of thought have a caboose?? Oh, that was a good one, Karl.
Damn! Damn! Think, Karl, think... You can get outta this.
Let's see. I could bug someone's office. No, they'd be expecting that. I could play the 9/11 card. Shit, no---I let George play it last week. Fuck! I know...I'll leak a story to that homo in the press room...Guckert? Gannon?? Aw, crap on a Christmas tree, he's gone. And Terry Moran's grown a spine so I can't use him. McClellan...Scottie old boy...he'll be my missile defense shield. Spins shit out of thin air. Amazing talent. Good kid.
Calm...calm...calm. Inhale red, exhale blue.
You'll never take me, copper!! You got nutting!! Nutting!!
Last throes? Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Cheers for Tuesday, July 5, 2005
Note: No C&J tomorrow. We'll be back on Thursday. Can you handle it??!
By the Numbers:
Days `til the Central Maine Egg Festival: 15
Days `til Christmas: 173
Number of civil unions granted in Vermont since July 1, 2000: 7,549
Number of civil union dissolutions: 78
Approximate number of registered lobbyists in D.C. in 2000: 17,500
Number of registered lobbyists in D.C. now: 35,000
Starting salary for a lobbyist with prior White House/Capitol Hill experience: $300,000
(Source: Washington Post via The Week magazine)
Your Puppy Pic of the Day: Ding Dong!
CHEERS to citizen action. Game on! Sandra Day O'Connor's retirement has fired up what might otherwise be a lackluster summer. Groups on both sides of the political spectrum are pulling out all the stops as Senators futilely try to stay above the fray. Let me take a wild stab and guess that this won't be America's finest moment. Just a hunch.
CHEERS or JEERS to Arlen Specter. As the New York Times reports, the Senate Judiciary Committee Chair's handling of the confirmation hearings could define the moderate Republican's career. Will he get steamrolled by the fundies...or allow for the proper vetting that America deserves? To be continued...
JEERS to bureaucrats living up to their reputation. A review of the NIH's AIDS research agency reveals "unnecessary feuding, sexually explicit language and other inappropriate conduct that hampers its global fight against the disease" Oh, and on Friday they fired a whistleblower for revealing the feuding, language and inappropriate conduct. I wonder if they'd be such jackasses if they had the disease themselves.
CHEERS to Men in Black. The Secret Service went to work on this date in 1865. Its original intent was to prevent counterfeit currency. It wasn't until after the McKinley assassination that the service began protecting the president. We have nothing snarky to say about this. Because they're probably listening.
CHEERS to Men in White. Portland was no place for terrorists over the weekend as the U.S.S. Iwo Jima stopped by (I'm looking at it from my window now---the oars are huge). The public tours on Sunday were a big hit. The water skiing demonstration wasn't.
JEERS to punishers of the pen. USA Today: "States spend nearly a quarter of a billion dollars a year on remedial writing instruction for their employees. ... Poor writing not only befuddles citizens but also slows down the government as bureaucrats struggle with unclear instructions or have to redo poorly written work." And if you think that's entirely unintentional, I've got a little peaceful corner of Baghdad to sell you.
CHEERS to mysteries solved. A space probe smashed into a comet yesterday. After analyzing the initial data, NASA scientists have confirmed: tastes like chicken.
CHEERS to the master showman. Born on this date in 1810: P.T. Barnum. Some contend he never actually said "There's a sucker born every minute." But this $500 fortune-telling ring some guy sold me says that's Bullcrap.
CHEERS to Newsweek. Their weekly Conventional Wisdom Watch gives both Bush and Robert Novak a 'down' arrow. And that's good enough for me.
P.S. Bush is now out of the country attending the G-8 summit. Loosen your belt and smoke `em if ya got `em.
JEERS to swiping the wrong plastic. FTC chair Deborah Platt Majoras's credit card info was stolen. Her account was among 1.4 million that were filched from a company database last Spring. I only got two words: stand back.
CHEERS to UCC. The United Church of Christ votes to say gay marriage is A-OK. Good for them (and thanks). Meanwhile, conservative columnist Kathleen "Dick" Parker, in an astonishing must-read-and-gag, equates gay marriage with fascism AND totalitarianism. And that, kids, is why you should supplement with folic acid every day.
JEERS to American hurryupandbuynowism. As Digby points out, we could learn a thing or two from the French about how to slow down and savor life. And if I can just find my way out of this Wal-Mart with these five carts full of shit I don't need, I'll give it some thought.
CHEERS to Senator Gaylord Nelson. The Wisconsin Democrat and founder of Earth Day has died at 89. Bill Clinton once presented a proclamation to him that said: "As the father of Earth Day, he is the grandfather of all that grew out of that event: the Environmental Protection Act, the Clean Air Act, the Clean Water Act, [and] the Safe Drinking Water Act." May your spirit haunt Cheney & Co. `til the end of time.
CHEERS to workers' rights. On July 5, 1935, President Roosevelt signed the National Labor Relations Act (aka the Wagner Act) into law. It reversed federal opposition to organized labor, guaranteeing the right of employees to organize, form unions, and bargain collectively with their employers. But it also assured that workers would have a choice on whether to belong to a union or not. Okay slackers, enough nostalgia...back to work!
C&J Flashback: July 5, 2004...
JEERS to Hollywood hype. C&J likes---but doesn't love---'Spiderman 2.' Doc Ock rocks and the effects are nifty...but Aunt Windbag's speeches belong in a Zucker/Zucker/Abrahams comedy.
JEERS to Bill Frist. GOP bigot says we must...MUST...pass gay marriage amendment now! His air-tight logic: "Every day I put it off, more people get married." Did you ever think you'd see the day when that was a bad thing?
And just one more...
CHEERS to the girlie preznit. Ha Ha, look!!! Bush is wearin' a dress! It needs to be that big because of all the puppeteers underneath.
Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Reaction to watching the collision of a space probe with a comet
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