Today is a sad, sad day for Republicans the world over. One of our own, Senator Joseph Lieberman, lost last night
to his Democratic opponent, Ned Lamont.
Loyal Republicans from near and far chipped in during the campaign’s closing days to jumpstart JoeMentum, all alas to no avail. Fox News turned in its usual Herculean effort, working overtime to expose Lamont as the Hezbollah puppet he so obviously is and to point out that a Lamont win would give more power to the Islamocommunofascist-loving Democrats. But it was all for naught.
Joltin’ Joe himself, who has long been a steadfast supporter and intimate disciple of Dear Leader and loyal proponent of his policies, sought to revive his campaign by lifting strategies directly from Saint Karl’s playbook. Tried and true gambits were tried, from channeling Dear Leader in a debate with Lamont to misrepresenting his own position on Iraq to accusing his opponent of sabotaging his campaign. In a brilliant usage of the standard Republican “Conflate Democrats With Terrorists” gambit, he even accused his opponent’s supporters of waging a jihad against him! (One wonders, in fact, why he didn’t emulate the words of Republicans defending the actions of the Israeli military and simply accuse his opponents of anti-semitism. Alas, an opportunity lost.)
Sadly, none of Joe’s admirable scare tactics worked, and the voters of Connectistan foolishly decided to let the terrorists win by electing a Democrat. But weep not for JoeMentum! No, that Joelopy has lurched back onto the road and is clanking noisily towards November: Joltin’ Joe has already announced he will bravely ignore the will of the voters and run as an independent! Glory!
Just one thing puzzles us, though: Why would losing to a Democrat cause Joe to renounce his Republican Party membership and go it alone as an independent?
CORRECTION: It has recently been brought to our attention that Senator Lieberman has, in fact, spent his entire political career as a Democrat. We apologize for this regrettable, if entirely understandable, error.