In America's charged political atmosphere, the level of acrimony seems to know no bounds. Nowhere is this more clear than in the publishing industry, where books from the Right accuse liberals of everything from having mental disorders to being extremist, pro-death, godless, slandering traitors. Authors such as Ramesh Ponnuru and Ann Coulter have lowered the political discourse with baseless charges and, in the process, raised their income and speaking fees. Well, it's time the Left fought
Comedian, author and vigilante pundit Baratunde Thurston is proud to answer these accusations with the release of his bestselling book covers. These empty volumes are the perfect response to the disingenuous, unsubstantiated and sometimes laughable accusations from so-called right wing "pundits." The fact that many of these people are household names is an insult to those who have worked hard to earn that position, namely Paris Hilton and TomKat's baby.
Responding to America's short attention span, Baratunde's publisher has decided to skip straight to the merchandising phase, foregoing printing of the actual "book."
Get your bestselling book cover t-shirt now!
KITTENS FOR BREAKFAST:
AND OTHER DELICIOUS RECIPES FROM THE CONSERVATIVE KITCHEN
With a new chapter on Senator Bill "Kitten-Killer" Frist!
"And that's when it occurred to them! Baby seal blubber would really enhance their Independence Day bunny burgers."
- Chapter 36, "Killed on the 4th of July"
THE 700 CLUB GANGBANGED MY PUPPY
They've called for the assassination of elected foreign leaders. They've blamed feminists for 9/11, and homosexuals for Hurricane Katrina. They said Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon was struck down because he failed to adhere to biblical prophecy. In this never-before-told story, find out where this very special club gets its strength: the buttholes of virgin puppies. Because it's not gay if your partner is a dog.
"Of course! It all makes sense now."
- a former member of Jerry Falwell's Moral Majority Coalition
* Don't forget to check out the alternate cover! *
CONSERVATIVES HAVEN'T DENIED CREATING AIDS:
Bill Frist's Secret Plan to Spread the Disease with his Sweaty Hands:
And why I want Rick Santorum to meet him
Consider the evidence:
- We have no conclusive proof on the origin of the HIV virus which causes AIDS.
- It's well known that conservatives have launched a new effort to reach out to traditional Democratic voters, which include homosexuals and African-Americans.
- Political campaigns generally include handshaking with key civil rights leaders.
- In a 2004 interview, Republican Senator Bill Frist, a licensed doctor, claimed he "didn't know" if HIV-AIDS could be transmitted by sweat.
Well, the conclusion is clear. The STD-ridden, kitten-killing, puppy-banging wing of the conservative movement created AIDS. If they didn't, then why don't they say so?
"Baratunde Thurston has uncovered the most frightening secret in America. He should be awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor, a Purple Heart and 30 years on the lucrative lecture circuit."
Finally, against all odds, we tracked down Ann Cooter's tortured conscience, which managed to sneak away long enough to give us this inside scoop.
Whine, Screech, 9/11, Buy My Book
by Ann Cooter
She's made a lucrative career of blaming liberals for every failing in society. Now, in her first honest work, Ann Cooter tells all about her loneliness, her lies and her selfish motives.
"It made me feel sorry for her. Cooter's story made me want to give her a hug... after punching her in the Adam's apple, of course."
- a reader
"This broad is a millionaire, lionized on TV and in articles about her, reveling in her status as a celebrity and stalked by neo-Nazis. I've never seen someone enjoying other's deaths so much."
- the 9/11 widows