NASA Unveils Shuttle Replacement (Satire)

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Tuesday September 27, 2005 · 9:26 PM PDT

2005/09/27 · 21:26

NASA Administrator Michael Griffin rolled out NASA's plan for the future last week, including new details about the spaceship intended to replace the shuttle and a timeline for returning astronauts to the moon in 2018. Answering critics of the space shuttle design flaws, Griffith announced a "back to basics" approach in which the astronauts will travel to the moon in a 1957 Buick.

Griffith said the "back to basics" '57 Buick has a number of features ideal for the NASA of the Bush administration. "This new spacecraft has a very reasonable price tag of $8,500. It is a symbol of traditional family values. And it gets slightly better gas mileage than the current space shuttle."

When asked to comment, astronaut legend Neil Armstrong noted, "The Russians have been secretly successfully launching astronauts in classic cars for decades. In fact, it's not well known but the space station is really just a 1965 Mustang. It's about time we caught up to their technology."

Critics have suggested this is just another way the Bush administration is anti-scientific progress. Griffith addressed these criticisms:

"Oh sure, we've had plenty of scientific developments over the last four decades, but look where it got us. Exploding shuttles and foam that won't stay glued down? If that's so-called 'progress,' then I say 'No, thank you, Pete!' "

"I say we return to what's good and what works. The '57 Buick represents intelligent design at it's finest. Have you ever seen foam flying off the front of a '57 Buick and damaging the fender? I think not."

"Plus, our engineers got a hell of a deal on eBay."

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