Mike Brown's Play of the Day: Punt! (Satire)

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Thursday September 29, 2005 · 7:39 AM PDT

2005/09/29 · 07:39

On Tuesday, former FEMA-director turned FEMA-consultant Mike Brown appeared before Congress in the investigation of failures during the Hurricane Katrina response. Brown did not accept responsibility for the problems with the federal response, instead blaming New Orleans Mayor Nagin, Louisiana governor Blanco, and the Bush White House for the failures.

But in a statement that surprised lawmakers, Brown did accept full and complete responsibility for the recent 30-27 overtime football defeat of LSU by the University of Tennessee.

Brown noted with pride, "The night before the game against LSU I called Coach Phil Fulmer and told him, 'Phil, I have experience and expertise in this area. I'm here to help.' "

But Brown again became enraged after Tennessee Representative John Duncan pointed out the Vol's slow initial response in the game bore witness to Brown's testimony.

To this Brown pounded the table and responded angrily, "I'm not the coach, and I can't play the game FOR them. That's not my job. I suppose you think I should have shown up on the sidelines with Gatorade and ice, too? Or gone out on the field and thrown a pass? That slow response was Phil Fulmer's fault, along with the faults of the individual players on the team. If they don't have the sense to get out of the locker room and score early, I can't help that."

Lawmakers scoffed at Brown, calling him "clueless." Representative Gene Taylor of Mississippi said, "You get an F-minus in my book."

Brown turned to Taylor and snapped back, "Oh yeah?!? Well, we'll see who is F-minus clueless after Tennessee plays Ole Miss on Saturday."

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