John Hawkins, the uberhacktastic proprietor of Right Wing News, offers up this gem of a post:
Why I'm Not Going To See Brokeback Mountain or Countering The Brokeback Hype
At first blush, one should immediately ask Mr. Hawkins why he would want to counter the hype for a film he's never seen. Of course, we know that his agenda is good old-fashioned fag-bashing.
If the title wasn't stupid enough, the 'analysis' is even more stupefying:
First of all, Brokeback Mountain isn't even close to a mega-hit. In fact, numerous movies that are considered mediocrities are topping it at the box office. If you look at the top 50 grossing movies in the theaters right now, here's where Brokeback Mountain, which has been out 9 weeks now, ranks in total gross . . . Wow. It even lost to Cheaper by the Dozen 2 which featured a dog attacking Steve Martin's crotch in the promos. That is impressive. On the other hand, forty million dollars is a lot of dough for a movie about gay cowboys / sheep herders. I mean, you should be able to make a movie like that for about $2000 bucks. What do you need a lot of cash for? Cowboy hats? Chaps? Sheep? Still, given that Brokeback Mountain got 10 times more free publicity than even the most successful movies on this list, the fact that it's in 15th place is stunningly unimpressive.
Mr. Hawkins is apparently unaware of the difference between a film opening in 3000 theaters and one opening in under 100. It's already a given that wingnuts like Mr. Hawkins hate science like they hate homosexuals. Apparently, they also hate mathematics.
But, it gets even dumber:
For that matter, so are all the Golden Globes that it won because let's face it, it didn't win 4 Golden Globe prizes because it's a good movie, it won 4 Golden Globes because it's about gay cowboys. And Hollywood thinks more prudish, conservative Americans should be exposed to movies featuring gay cowboys, so they're using the awards to send a message. They do this same thing every year. This year it's gay cowboys, next year it'll be handicapped lesbian Eskimos, and two years from now it'll be Latino union activists fighting Republicans to save the rainforest.
Remember the title of his post: "Why I'm Not Going to See Brokeback Mountain." Apparently this is like Dr. Frist, film critic. After all, a person who hasn't seen more than 10 seconds of footage from a film is certainly more qualified to judge its quality than the millions of people who've watched the entire film. According to the homo-hating wingnuts, that is.
However, we then see the roots of Mr. Hawkins hatred of this film and its success:
So, if the movie can't be all that good, who's going to see it?
Gay men, women who want to see a movie about relationships, men who want to prove they're not homophobic, guys who got tricked by the hype, and the same sort of people who go to art galleries, look at a pile of crap that looks like a construction accident, and pretentiously rave about the symmetry and use of color because they think it makes them sound sophisticated.
After all, why would a normal man want to go see this film? Men don't even want to go see relationship movies that feature men and women, so why would they want to see a movie about two gay cowboys hopping in the saddle together?
That's right. Red-blooded heterosexual men don't want to see a movie about fags. Mr. Hawkins can validate his own masculinity and credentials as a certified heterosexual simply by refusing to see a film about gay men.
What else does Mr. Hawkins consider too faggoty for real men to watch?
Maybe if the gay cowboys were secretly ninjas sworn to avenge their masters or kill crazy ex-seals out to stop a team of Al-Qaeda terrorists from blowing up school buses full of kids, it might be a movie that could appeal to most guys -- assuming they didn't touchy-feely and start grabbing each other like the Hobbits did at the end of "Return of the King."
"We hates the stupid gay Hobbits! Yes, precious, we hates them." This would explain why self-hating gay men like Matt Drudge trashed Return of the King. Hmmm. Maybe Mr. Hawkins is afraid that he'll catch "the gay" if he's exposed to too much gayness in the theater.
He concludes:
Whatever the case may be, if people watched the movie and enjoyed it, fantastic, more power to them. But, understand that it's not a classic, it's not a must-see movie, it's just another film that will fade into semi-obscurity like all other lefty cause du jour movies that were promoted before it. The sooner, the better as far as I'm concerned.
I'm sure that Mr. Hawkins will indeed be relieved when he won't face the siren call of Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal having rough, sweaty, bare-chested cowboy sex.
Until the film comes out on DVD. Let's hope Mr. Hawkins doesn't have Netflix, lest he lapse into the homosexual lifestyle.
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