Cheers and Jeers: Thursday

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Thursday March 30, 2006 · 5:17 AM PST

2006/03/30 · 05:17

Some weird stuff is Overheard in Philly. Some of it is funny, some of it is scary and disturbing.

Get Your Crumb On
Girl 1: "I haven't seen that guy in a minute!"
Girl 2: "Yeah I know. At least a week."
Girl 1: "I be sooooo hungry."
Girl 2: "Let's go get our crumb on then girl!"
SEPTA bus
Silly Juice
Semi-deranged guy yelling into cell phone: "Man, I be cranking! Just gotta get some silly-juice in me!"
34 Trolley, West Philly
Overheard by Ed
Kids in America
4-year-old boy: "I'm glad we don't live in America, because half of all kids in America don't eat breakfast."
Mom: "We do live in America."
Near television set, West Philadelphia
New Philly Tourism Slogan
Teenager 1: "My feet hurt... lets go home."
Teenager 2: "No."
Teenager 1: "Why not?"
Teenager 2: "Because I'm not going back to fuckin' Jersey!"
2nd and Market
Wake Me When It's Over
Doctor: "Are you sexually active?"
Teen girl: "No, usually I just lay there."
Examination Room, Philadelphia

My graphically intensive poor substitution for Cheers and Jeers begins ....

Right now!

Standard Disclaimer: This Cheers and Jeers column is in no way related to the works of one Bill in Portland Maine. I am solely responsible for the content of this column, and I am just filling in today while Bill tends to real world job issues.

Days `til summer: 83
Days `til the Yearly Kos convention June 8-11 in Las Vegas: 70
Days 'til the Midterm Elections on November 7, 2006: 223
Font Size of the Headline "Dems Sweep Congress in Landslide" in your local paper on November 8, 2006: 20
Days 'til local CNJ Poet/Writer Darrell J. Gahm has his first public performance: 4

to the Republican Party destroying itself before our very eyes. Thank the Lord. I mean, it had to happen eventually. Every election, with their imcompetence showing and the utter idiocy of their ideas and policies revealed, these heathen politicians, under the mentoring and direction of Karl Rove, a man who most certainly will be advising Satan in Hell when he dies (if he doesn't already); these Republicans devise a "wedge" issue to distract the public. Whether it be terrorism, abortion, gay rights, gay marriage and now immigration, they always rely on the wedge to win elections, rather than the virtue of their principles and strength of their ideas. But with their latest wedge, immigration, they have managed to at once unify a Democratic opposition to their xenophobic, un-American and un-Christian proposals and divide their own party against each other. Brilliant.

to President Reagan being shot on this day in 1981. We all despise President Reagan's social and economic policies, and still others hated his foreign policy stances. Yet we, as liberals, Democrats, and progressives, do not wish death or injury upon our political enemies, unlike supposedly Christian wingnuts like Anne Coulter and the rest of her conservative ilk.

to our withdrawal from Vietnam that began 33 years ago yesterday. Please let our withdrawal from a colossal mistake of a war in Iraq begin before 2011.
(If the war in Iraq lasts as long as the Vietnam war, we will not begin withdrawing until the next decade.)

to Jack Abramoff being someone else's bitch for six years in the wonderful state of Florida.

Obligatory Evil Cat Picture of the Day
I refuse to call such vile creatures of the night "pooties."

to Man's best friends...COMBINED!!! WARNING: for the love of God, do not click on this picture if you are at work or if you are going to click on it and then waste the entire day bitching in the comments about how easily offended you are and how I am so evil and must be destroyed. If you are easily offended...then DO NOT CLICK ON THE PICTURE!!!! Oh yeah, here is the picture.

to close calls at airports. As a man who travels constantly on business, who is in an airplane at least three times a month, I'd like to think that air traffic controllers would able to do...you know...do their fucking jobs.

to Major League Baseball finally investigating rampant cheating by its players by their use of steriods and other performance enhancing yet life shortening drugs. This is long overdue, as was their banning of the substances from the game a year ago was. While it is unlikely that the inflated records set during the Steriod Era of the 1990's and early 2000's will ever be overturned, maybe we can put an asterisk by their names in the recordbooks. Like this: *-this player fucking cheated.

to the Democratic Party for their Real Security Plan. I tell you, the framing is brilliant and royalties should be paid to that Jeffrey Feldman guy. The world 'Real' should be used in reference to everything. Real Healthcare. Real Prescription Drug Plan. Real Economic Growth. Real Fairness in Tax Rates. Defending America against our Real Enemies. Offering a Real Deal to the American People. We've got our frame. We've got our Plan. We are going to obliterate the Republicans at the ballot box this fall. Pass it on.

to the recent uncivil Troll Wars here at Daily Kos. I oppose this flame war because I did not start it and am not involved in it. How dare my fellow Kossacks engage in pointless navel gazing and finger pointing without me?

to Bill's Boss for making him actually work for his salary rather than allowing him to entertain us Tuesday through Friday every week with his unmatched wit and humor. Oh well. Bill will be back tomorrow for Rum and Coke Fridays, but he will be gone next week. So I have compiled a humble list of fill in Irregulars who will provide much snark and witty repartee next week: