You know what's great about this country? Yeah, we're a democracy. But so are France and all their socialist pals. No, what's great about this country is that it's a conservative country. We believe in hard work. Pulling yourself up by the bootstraps. Rugged individualism.
And when government tries to level the playing field, all is does is eliminate opportunity. That's why we don't raise the minimum wage--because how is the government qualified to tell business how much labor should be worth? Why should you work harder if the government is going to give you a raise anyway? That's why we don't like welfare. Why work if other people who don't work are getting a free ride? That's why we don't like social security. Why not leave it to the people to invest so that the ones who work hard with their investments can get the opportunities they deserve? That's why Dick Armey doesn't like seeing seniors get food stamps--because if the government feeds them, they won't have any incentive to feed themselves.
Well, it's time we said the same thing about Iraq.
I'll tell you what: I'm tired of the Iraqi welfare queens running around in their burqas living off the generosity of the hard-working American taxpayer. It eats at me in the worst way. But you know what? It's not just individual people, though how could a bunch of infidels like that not be pilfering as much money from us as they can? No, it's worse than that.
The entire goddamned country is one giant welfare queen.
I mean, I thought some of the domestic welfare queens I've seen were large. Well, you know, I've never actually seen one, but I'm sure they exist just the way I've pictured them. Anyway, though, back to my point about Iraq. The whole damn country is nothing other than a giant welfare queen, and I'm damn sick of it.
I mean, seriously. Look at all the money we're dumping into this country $2.1 billion dollars a week, all down the drain of one giant hejab-clad welfare queen. Doesn't it make you want to puke? I know it makes me wanna hurl in the worst way. And you wanna know what? Those damn bastards still hate America even more than our welfare queens at home hate America--and I thought that was impossible.
And these damned bleeding-heart liberals that rule the government are taking the same position with Iraq that they take with the Rolls-Royce driving welfare pimps. "Just give them a little more time," these softies say. "Just pay for them a little while longer," the pinko socialists say. Well, you know what? I won't stand for that crap from Iraq any more than I'll stand for it in the ghetto. Brown or black--it makes no difference to me what color the queen is, she needs to be cut loose just the same.
I mean, come on. The socialists in charge keep on saying that as Iraqis stand up, we'll stand down. You know what? These commies say the same thing about the welfare queens in the ghetto too! That once they've had enough time to get back on their feet and get a job, then we'll be able to take them off the government dole. But it never happens, does it? You know that and I know that. They never go back to work, do they? They just drive up to the welfare office in their luxury cars and pick up another welfare check, and teach their kids to do the same thing.
Well, Iraq does the same thing. How can they ever stand up if our nation-building, socialist big government is there coddling them every step of the way? As long as we're there, where is their incentive for working hard? Where will they learn to pull themselves up by the bootstraps if the socialists in our government keep on insisting on tying their shoes for them? I tell you what: it's time to apply conservative principles to these people so they can start living the Iraqi dream without the shadow of socialist big government hanging like a specter over everything they do. That's no way to run a country. We won't let Hillary do it over here, and we shouldn't let her do it to Iraq either.
Let me tell you how bad it is. The first--and perhaps the only--priority of any government should be to defend its people. Beyond that, government should just butt the hell out. But look what we're doing: the damn bastards won't even allow Iraq to handle its own security because they think that they know how to handle it better than the Iraqi people. Well, I'll tell you what: government doesn't know best. It doesn't know best back home, and I'll bet you a million bucks it doesn't know best in Iraq. I mean, if our big government won't even let Iraq defend itself, how the heck is it supposed to get any self-reliance? These damn socialist liberals are incapacitating Iraq like they incapacitate the poor back home. The best way to fix the situation? Leave `em alone. The ones that want to work hard enough to escape it can. But the last thing we need to do is think we're doing them a favor by using our government to artificially help them along and waste taxpayer dollars thinking our government knows best. That's what liberal elites do.
And let's talk "reconstruction" for a minute. Same deal. You can't pump all that government money into it without laziness and inefficiency seeping into the effort. I'll tell you this: the reconstruction needs to be handled by the private sector in Iraq, because only the private sector can get the job done right with the efficiency Iraq needs. If we keep handing them money, Iraq will never develop a free market. They won't have to if they think everything will be taken care of by our hard-working taxpayers. We can't have them on our dole anymore.
And you know what? There are good signs coming out of Iraq. It's perfectly obvious that the Iraqi people are firm believers in the second amendment, or whatever jihadist principle is the equivalent for those turban-wearing ragheads. You see that every time the Iraqi people exercise their right to bear arms against agents of our anti-self-reliance socialist government. That's a step in the right direction, because it shows that the Iraqi people are ready to get government off their backs and pull themselves up. If they keep that up, they'll get government to the size that they can drown it in the Tigris--and you can bet that's a good thing.
And Iraq has a great foundation for its education system. Private religious schools that teach proper values to children are flourishing. See, the Iraqis recognize that their rights come from God, and not the state.
So, we have a bunch of positive developments coming out of Iraq. Iraqis are showing every day that they're ready to run their lives according to the principles of conservatism: the right to keep and bear arms. Private religious schooling. No regulation of businesses. Moral values--you won't see any gays getting married in Iraq, that's for sure. They seem to have an appreciation for the death penalty, too. Moral values, self-defense, law and order--the Iraqi people seem to be true conservatives in a sense.
But these goddamned socialists are hell-bent on turning Iraq into a welfare state. And despite all the positive trends that say that Iraq is ready to embrace conservatism--or maybe because of it, and that's why they're scared--these nation-building liberals are insistent that they will "stay the course" and "help" the Iraqi people get the job done.
Well, big government, you're not helping them. You're killing them slowly. You're going to take a nice, conservative population and turn them into a bunch of lazy bums who wouldn't know a hard day's work if it came and bit them in the ass.
So in conclusion: keep it up, you scum-sucking welfare-loving liberal scumbags. Just keep on doing what you're doing. Go ahead and stay there--keep on "helping" the Iraqis. All you'll really do is create a state that will never know self-reliance. That will never be able to defend itself.
It's time to get Iraq off the government dole, and get our government off the back of Iraq. The principles of conservatism demand nothing less.