It started innocently enough. I noticed Jonah Goldberg (AKA Doughy Pantload) put a notice at the National Review Online that he was going to speak at U Mass Amherst on "why it's important that we win in Iraq."
Given his famous admission of cowardice when it comes to his own lack of military service, I decided to challenge him on the pronoun "we". More on the flip.
In case you aren't familiar with why he is known as The Doughy Pantload, let me refresh your memory.
Clicking the above link will take you to his pathetic litany of excuses why he cheerleads sending men to their death to a war he wont participate in:
As for why my sorry a** isn't in the kill zone, lots of people think this is a searingly pertinent question. No answer I could give -- I'm 35 years old, my family couldn't afford the lost income, I have a baby daughter, my a** is, er, sorry, are a few -- ever seem to suffice.
Yes, jackass, no answer does suffice. And I find it strange that, years after that quote, you still get huffy and defensive over strangers rightly calling you for what you are: a piece of shit, yellow-bellied chickenhawk.
My initial e-mail:
Who is "we", white man? After all, you can't spare anything other than hot air to help win the war because you can't take the pay cut.
An entirely accurate criticism: he comes right out and says he cant take the paycut.
Response:
yawn. right: I'm not allowed to use "we" when referring to America because I wasn't in the military. Do you have any idea what a jackass you're making of yourself?
He cheerleads the war and I am the jackass. And he went straight for the ad hominem because he knows his cowardice has just been exposed yet again.
My reponse:
Yes. I, who has seen war and destruction over his twenty years in the military, am a jackass. The man who cheerleads for a war he came up with pathetic excuses to not participate directly in is not. And black is white, up is down and the sun rises in the west.
Quite frankly, if you have ever seen a mass grave, huddled behind equipment during a Scud attack, seen destroyed towns from ground level or seen a refugee camp, you would not be so enthusiastic about war.
Real men do their duty with quiet determination, whether they agree with the policy, even when it is catastophically wrong.
Jackasses bray about how "wars must be won".
I liked the part about "jackasses braying". There are a lot of jackasses at the National Review Online.
I thought about it a little and added:
Are you actually going to call for any of these prime draft age college kids to enlist or join ROTC and potentially give their lives for their country in "World War IV?" I mean, if it really were WWIV, they'd be on the front line already, just like their Ivy League forebearers were during WWII.
A tactical mistake: while many psychotic assholes at "The Corner" adhere to the whole WWIV theory, Doughy Pantload doesn't.
You really don't know me. I've explicitly rejected the WWIV formulation. And by the way, I never said the sole reason I didn't sign up was the pay cut. My health, age and other reasons were factors. Though I fail to see why being concerned that I wouldn't be able to pay the mortgage on my house for my wife and baby daughter (at the time) is somehow illegitimate.
Anyway, you want to argue with a strawman or someone who isn't me. So I think we're done here.
Jonah
Now this really pisses me off about Lucianne's little boy: he almost always ends his missives with the formulation "I think we are done here" like he is a fucking Czar or something. I also find it interesting that he feels the need to justify himself to an anonymous e-mail critic. Guilty conscience, D. Pantload?
Anyway, my response:
Everyone has health concerns when joining the military - after all, you may get shot, blowed up, or even killed. And the military will let you live in a house. For free. No morgage concerns. And the cutoff age for enlistment is now 42.
Now, I shall imperiously say that I think we are done here.
With this e-mail arriving at the exact same moment as I sent the above e-mail:
Thanks for your service. But yes, you were being a jackass in that email and the fact that you served doesn't change that fact. And it says something funny about you that you think being called a jackass is as outlandish as black being white and the sun rising in the west. Sorry to tell you: your greatness isn't so unimpeachable.
You can take that patronizing "thank you for your service" and stick it up your copious ass, Pantload.
I challenge him on his choice of lifestyle over service:
Being that you have such concerns over paying the morgage when the military gives everyone either living quarters or a generous housing allowance ($1540 in the DC area for a single, mid-level Petty Officer such as myself, much more for married NCOs and Officers), you are obviously more concerned with lifestyle than defense of the country.
But, sadly, he never recieved this last e-mail explaining the benefits of military service because he blocked my e-mail address, obviously not wanting to hear anymore about his cowardice.
I plan on going to his book event at Borders books in downtown DC on 15 January to present him with a white feather:
Chiefly a phenomenon of Britain, white feathers were typically handed over by young women to men out of uniform during wartime, the implication being that the man concerned was a 'shirker' or a coward. The co-called 'Organisation of the White Feather' was initiated by Admiral Charles Fitzgerald in the opening month of the war and was encouraged by a number of writers, including Mary Ward. The organisation was founded as a means of applying pressure to able bodied men to enlist with the British Army.
I guess that will just prove his ridiculous thesis that us liberals are "fascists" looking to shut him up.
I say it will serve as a reminder to the world of his moral and physical cowardice.