On behalf of gay America, I'm issuing the following apology:
We're sorry for upcoming the re-election of George Bush. Obviously, our existence within the Democratic coalition makes a difference in how people vote. We should have known our presence and issues would force the Republicans to make us the issue this election cycle.
We're sorry that our donation of resources such as time, energy, money and skills to the Democratic Party had such an impact in detracting from the Democrats' courageous stands against No Child Let Behind, the PATRIOT Act, the invasion of Iraq, Medicare reform, and Bush's budget busting tax cuts. We should have realized this and stayed out of the Party.
We're sorry for the timing of the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Courts ruling. We should have done a better job of scheduling their calendar. Also, when the couples suing the Commonwealth, with the assistance of Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders, filed their suit, we should have foreseen 9-11, the War on Terror, the invasion of Iraq and the extending jobless recovery.
We're sorry our sexual orientation makes some of you uncomfortable. Your comfort should be our paramount concern. We really need to stop make silly demands about being included if it's going to make other people uneasy.
We're sorry our demands to have our families treated equally offends some of you. Of course, we should have realized that your families are superior to ours. We don't really need equality. Separate institutions that leave you in superior positions, like civil unions, should have been fine with us.
We're sorry that our selfish concern with issues that affect our lives stands in the way of addressing important issues.
We're sorry that our intrusion into the cultural sphere has brought such awful programming as Will and Grace, Queer as Folk, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, and Angels in America to your television screens. We shouldn't have interfered with such quality programming as Married by America, My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancée and the Janet/Justin halftime show.
We're truly sorry for these things, and for any other ways we've made your lives difficult. We should have realized over the past couple decades that by pushing for changes that would positively affect us, we'd be destroying the country.
Please accept Our sincerest apologies.