Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, June 7, 2007
Note: I'll bet ya twenty bucks Bush hums Hail to the Chief when he's going poopies. And reads Highlights.
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By the Numbers:
Days `til Father's Day: 10
Days `til the YearlyKos Convention in Chicago August 2-5: 56
Total debt of U.S. taxpayers, including unfunded promises for Medicare and Social Security: $56 trillion
What that amounts to for every U.S. household: $516,000
(Source: USA Today via The Week)
Cruise ships expected to visit Portland, Maine this summer: 30
(Source: Portland Press Herald)
Number of "blast-proof" apartments being built at the U.S. embassy in Baghdad: 619
Ratio of empty champagne bottles to bearskin rugs in Ambassador Ryan Crocker's embassy bedroom: 6:1
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment (today's a twofer):
"[Americans] are a practical people and often quite shrewd. That means knowing when to cut our losses."
"Any nation that can survive what we have lately in the way of government, is on the high road to permanent glory."
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Puppy Pic of the Day: World's most frustrated juggler
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CHEERS to the lure of an open bar. Wesley Clark and DNC chair Howard Dean join the growing list of tie-dyed slackers attending the Yearly Kos convention in Chicago. Someone please make a note that the general has special dietary needs. Rusty nails.
CHEERS to deflating a couple 'o gasbags. Democratic congressman John Dingell and Rick Boucher greedily trotted out a House bill that would nullify state-mandated rules on reducing vehicle emissions. Nancy Pelosi promptly steered it into a brick wall. Might want to flip on your emergency blinkers, guys.
UH OH to World War IV. In an awesome display of military might, Turkish forces rained down on northern Iraq yesterday. Troops! Planes! Tanks! Artillery! Motorcycles with little sidecars that always end up separating and veering into a ditch, soaking the commandant! They gently retrieved the soccer ball that had bounced over the border and went back home. The Earth rotates for another day...
P.S. As usual, things aren't what they seem. It was apparently just a herd of goats. Militant soccer-playing goats with planes, tanks, artillery and motorcycles with sidecars, but goats nonetheless.
JEERS to being hopelessly out of touch. In the real world, one of Wolf Blitzer's questions at Tuesday night's presidential debate was a no-brainer:
"Recently we’ve learned that several talented trained linguists---Arabic speakers, Farsi speakers, Urdu speakers---trained by the U.S. government to learn those languages to help us in the war on terrorism, were dismissed from the military because they announced they were gays or lesbians. Is that, in your mind, appropriate?"
So naturally, in the face of overwhelming public and troop sentiment to the contrary, all 10 of the Republic party candidates (plus Newt Gingrich and Fred Thompson in absentia) said, "of course, stupid!" Reason: "just cuz, now shut up and get me a beer." Spoken like true card-carrying members of the daddy party.
CHEERS to Michael Bloomberg. The New York City mayor told his sheep to go about their business and stop crying about the non-existent threat posed by a handful of losers who smoked a joint and came up with the World's Worst Plan To Blow Up JFK Airport:
"There are lots of threats to you in the world. There's the threat of a heart attack for genetic reasons. You can't sit there and worry about everything. Get a life."
To emphasize his point, he whipped a grenade out of his pants, pulled the pin and yelled, "You want something to cry about??! I'll give ya somethin' to cry about!!" Time for a vacation, Mike?
JEERS to eye-rolling moments in history. 77 years ago today, in 1930, The New York Times took a huge step forward in the civil rights movement. I do believe the earth shook and audible gasps were heard across Manhattan when the editors agreed to start capitalizing the 'N' in "Negro." So to refresh our collective memory:
negro = old, unacceptable usage.
Negro = new, acceptable usage.
Please update your spellcheckers accordingly.
CHEERS to being heard. Tuesday was Bill Moyers' birthday, and we tossed up a virtual card here on the internets, and later that night sent a link to his office. Moyers' assistant, Karen, emailed us back:
I passed on your posting to Bill. He was very flattered and touched by
your words and the comments. Thank you for passing this on to me. I am going to share it with the staff.
Aw...tweren't nothin, ma'am.
JEERS to the not-so-fab four. Jon Stewart weighs in on the letters of support that were revealed just before Scooter Libby was sentenced to six consecutive life sentences 2½ years at a maximum security prison lightly-guarded tennis camp:
"Scooter Libby received his sentence in spite of character reference letters from names like John Bolton, Paul Wolfowitz, Donald Rumsfeld and Henry Kissinger. Or, as they're known: Those Four Assholes. John, Paul, Don and Henry. They're like a boy band without the credibility. Y'know who's my favorite? The dick'ish one."
Uh, Jon? That's Mary Matalin.
CHEERS to close calls. On this date in 1775, The United Colonies changed our name to the United States. Beating "Bubbaland" by one vote.
JEERS to getting kicked off the bus. Everybody's all atwitter because a deranged German man tried to jump in the Popemobile yesterday. Of course he did...he's the Pope!
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One Year Ago in C&J: June 7, 2006...
CHEERS to bleary-eyed election watchers. Those who stayed up into the wee hours saw "from the middle of nowhere" organic farmer Jon Tester beat John Morrison in the Montana senate primary...and Francine Busby come thiiis close to knocking off Brian Bilbray in the California 50th (but not before scaring the pants off the Republican powerbrokers back in D.C.). Not a clean sweep...but not exactly chopped liver, either.
CHEERS to Dudley Do-Right: Asskicker. While our president bullshits and bloviates about the War on Terra, Canada has quietly destroyed a terrorist cell that was planning to blow up buildings and assassinate the Prime Minister. Amazing what happens when PDBs like "Bin Laden Determined to Strike Inside Canada" are taken seriously.
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And just one more...
CHEERS to Creature Comforts. If you missed the new animation series from Aardman Studios that's running Mondays on CBS, you're missing some damn fine dry humor. Meanwhile, someone has created a political version with the voices of Bush, Blair, Britney, Rumsfeld, Powell and Condi that's definitely worth a look. With apologies to the real critters, who would never spew such crap.
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Floor's open...what are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless Testimonial:
"I felt better almost immediately, and I said, 'This Cheers and Jeers stuff is pretty cool'."
---Allegra Fonda-Bonardi
18 year-old Buddhist
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