I should preface this with the disclosure that I am probably not the best person to be talking about this issue in this forum. I am not homosexual (though I, like everyone else, did have a period of searching before I understood where my sexuality lay). I am not a woman or a minority. I've never truly felt the rejection, oppression or violence (however intangible) that comes with being targeted for reasons that are outside of my control. I'm a white, middle class male, and while I may not have always had it easy in my life, I have rarely if ever been judged for what I am, rather than for who I am.
Although I wish I could pretend otherwise, I can't say that I really recognized the gravity of the way this issue was treated tonight until my eyes were opened by someone else. I was lost in the joy of the moment, too exhilarated by the rest of Biden's tour de force to really consider the moment of discomfort I had at that point in the debate. It was only when I saw the reaction of a dear friend of mine that the implications sank in. My friend is the most beautiful person I know, in every sense of the term. She is also bisexual, and she felt justifiably betrayed by the Democratic Party tonight.
I know on a pragmatic level that Biden's response to the question of gay marriage was the "right" one. He/we wanted to take the issue off the table, so that we could avoid the culture wars and pave the way for victory in November. I know too that Biden made an effort - went out of his way, in fact - to speak to the issue in a way that most Americans can sympathize with, discussing legal rights and equal treatment under the law (a matter not even the Republicans will contest anymore, thank God). I also know that Biden is a good man and while his record isn't perfect, he is a reliable supporter of LGBT causes. Best of all, I know that the Obama-Biden administration will be on the right side once they are in office. All that said, however, we should still expect better from our politicians and our party.
As my friend said more effectively than I can, gay rights (and I use gay here to mean the entire spectrum of sexualities and lack thereof) are THE civil rights issue of our time - and I agree with her. Unlike issues of race and gender, where for the most part discrimination is not acceptable (though what constitutes discrimination is still in debate - i'm not trying to diminish the importance of those issues, just make a distinction), it is still acceptable in too many circles for non-heterosexuals to be treated as less than human. And that's really what all of this is about; the fundamental humanity of individuals in our society. Somehow, some people's love isn't as good as other people's love. Somehow, those people aren't as good as other people. When we, as Democrats, Americans and as people, stand up and deny our support for gay marriage, we deny the fundamental humanity of real people - people who are our friends, lovers, neighbors and countrymen and who we should treat as such.
Now, I consider myself a Christian, and a fairly religious one at that. I'm not here to quarrel with religions or their adherents who are debating for themselves what the meaning of marriage is in their faith(though I know for myself what their answer should be). In our society, however, marriage means more than a religious bond. It is a social, personal and emotional bond - and, most importantly, it is one that is recognized by our broader commonwealth and governmental system. It is not enough, then, for us to stand up and argue for civil unions and legal rights. We must also stand up for and fight for governmental recognition of marriage between any two people who seek it. Because, ultimately, we are all people, in the eyes of our Constitution and in the eyes of God. For us to stand in judgment over some couples and some loves and declare them to be less than others is the height of arrogance, un-Americanism and blasphemy. On the latter, I am no expert, but on the former, I have no doubts. I hope then, that someday soon Democrats will be able to stand in defense of the humanity of all Americans. Because there is no other position worth standing up for at all.
Let there be no doubt that I remain a full throated supporter of Barack Obama and Joe Biden. I think that when they win in November, their presidency will be the greatest in our lifetimes. But tonight was for me a sobering wake up call nonetheless (and I hope reading this will give you pause as well). Because tonight, even as we celebrate one more successful step towards meaningful change in this country, we should not forget those whose needed changes will be put on hold for the sake of victory. Because tonight, as we enter the final 31 days of the greatest race in a generation, we should remember that this race is only part of a longer road ahead of us (and not just on this issue). And because tonight, as I write this, I want you to know that the most beautiful, intelligent, hard-working, friendly and engaging person I know won't be celebrating with us - or at least, not as she deserves. Because when Barack Obama and Joseph Biden are sworn in on January 20th, it will not be the beginning of the end of a long battle for justice in this country. It will be the end of the beginning.
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