Skadden Arps, Sullivan and Cromwell, Wells Fargo, CitiBank, and Wachovia

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Saturday October 04, 2008 · 5:09 AM PDT

2008/10/04 · 05:09

News junkies from all over are puzzled by the strange reversals of fortune in the bidding war between Wells Fargo and CitiBank for control of Wachovia, but this mess gets a lot simpler as soon as you realize that it isn't about banks.

It's about lawyers.

The legal tabloid abovethelaw.com has the inside story: Sleep-deprived M&A lawyers at Sullivan and Cromwell were out-merged and out-acquired by insomniac crankheads at Skadden Arps.

A little background about the corporate culture at Skadden Arps is all it takes to connect these dots, but it's also important to remember that the concept of sleep deprivation has a special meaning at Sullivan and Cromwell.

With 2000 lawyers to feed, Skadden Arps would sue a woodpile on the chance there was a billable snake in it.

Skadden Arps would sue a disposable cellphone on the chance there was a billable minute left on it.

Skadden Arps would sue the teeming loins of Grandma Skadden for only producing 2000 lawyers, under the "be fruitful and multiply" injunction of Natural Law.

But while Grandma Skadden's nepotic weasels are scurrying down every rat-hole that might have a billable peanut in it, the somnolent partners at Sullivan and Cromwell are only aroused to a nodding semi-consciousness once a year, just in time for the Harvard v. Yale kickoff.

Boola boola!

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