I was once where you are right now. I felt defeated. I felt despair. I felt as though I'd failed at everything I'd ever tried to do. I felt that maybe the lives of those around me would be better if I weren't in them. Hell, they probably wouldn't even notice I was gone at all, I thought when I was at what must be my absolute lowest.
And it's not as though I didn't wait around for things to get better. I waited. Things did not get better. If anything, my depression made it seem as though my previous rock bottom was just the beginning.
Maybe this is where you are. I hope you're not. But if you are, this message is for you.
Let me tell you what it feels like when things finally and at long last start to feel a little bit more bearable.
You'll barely notice it at first. Indeed, it's hard to feel anything at all in the state you're in. But the nagging feeling you had that something terrible is about to happen starts getting duller. The crushing guilt you've been living underneath begins to fade.
You notice small things. When the sun sends down its rays, you can feel it in your skin. You can feel the warmth of it on your head and arms and shoulders. It feels like the most refreshing shower you've ever had.
When you wake up in the morning, you grab a mug of coffee or a glass of orange juice. Instead of just mechanically pouring it down your throat just to give yourself the chemical energy you need to trudge through the day, you actually taste it. It's delicious. It reminds you that you are alive -- a human being.
You talk to someone. They seem to really be interested in what you are saying. You don't feel inside as though they are judging you. Simply having a normal conversation with someone is a triumph -- a milestone you won't soon forget.
These are the simple joys that are in store for you in the future. These are amazing, life-affirming events that you will never have a chance to enjoy if you give up now.
As I said before, I don't know you. I'm not judging you. I'm just a person who has been where you are. I've tasted some of what you are tasting now. I know it feels like it will never end. But it will. It has to. All things come to an end -- including people's lives. But your time is not now. You have so much more to see, hear, touch and taste.
If nothing else, just commit to seeing the end of another day. You might not feel like there's much you can control, but time is on your side. There's no stopping the passage of time. And maybe at the end of a day, or a week, or a even a month, what you feel right now will be less intense. Maybe then it will be easier to deal with.
Make that commitment. And maybe then you can make another. Maybe then you can commit to beating whatever it is that is at the root of this problem. Maybe you'll seek out help. It's not a weakness. You will not be judged. Maybe you'll find exactly what you need to find.
I hope you'll hear what I am saying. This is something that is coming to you from someone who is a stranger to you. We may never meet. But I care about you, and I want you to live to see the end of your pain.
You can live past this. I did. And here I am, writing this. I'm not the only one who has done so.
You can too.
UPDATE: Thanks, you guys, for being there for one another in the comments. I'm honored that I was able to help bring this spirit to the forefront of this wonderful community.
Here's one little reason I have for enjoying every second...
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