Bush has always had the "Sadim touch"....

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Monday December 01, 2008 · 7:09 AM PST

2008/12/01 · 07:09

Homeland Security in disarray, officials warn

WASHINGTON - As the Department of Homeland Security prepares for its first transition, a series of major projects - including a communication network linking state and locals officials in a crisis, a system to scan shipping containers for terrorist weapons, and a massive border-control initiative - face serious technical delays or cost overruns.

The result, they say, is disarray at the federal department responsible for developing the nation's defenses against terrorism and natural disasters. With a variety of key security measures in limbo - the department has yet to implement laws requiring that maritime cargo be scanned for nuclear materials and that hazardous materials be rerouted around urban areas - the incoming Obama administration is facing what one adviser to the president-elect described as a "superhuman task."

George Walker Bush, the 43rd president of the United States was gifted at an early age with the fabled "Sadim touch". For those of you unfamiliar with this ages-old myth, the Sadim touch is the direct opposite of that other myth, the Midas touch. As you may recall from your study of Greek mythology, King Midas was cursed by the gods with the ability to turn everything he touched into gold. At first delighted with this gift from the gods, poor Midas quickly learned that his new talent extended to living beings as well, much to the dismay of his newly gilted family members.

Alas and alack, poor George was cursed by the gods with the ability to turn everything he touches to shit. Starting with his college education and continuing on into his first forays into the business world, George always managed to transubstantiate all things into ordure. It was an ability that seemed to grow in direct proportion to his station in life. So it is only natural that once he got his hands on the entire government of the United States, the results would be predictable.

A word to the wise, if the opportunity should present itself, never, ever shake hands with George Bush. Apologize and tell him you have some sort of fungal condition.

He'll understand.

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