John McCain has a comprehensive economic plan that will create millions of good American jobs, ensure our nation's energy security, get the government's budget and spending practices in order, and bring relief to American consumers. Read each of the sections below to learn how the McCain Economic Plan will help bring reform, prosperity and peace to America.
Those American jobs will inevitably, however, be at the current pay scale of immigrant tomato pickers in southern Florida. As for the nation's energy security, I think it is pretty clear to anyone who has attempted to attack an uninsulated 880 volt wire, it is pretty secure. What? Oh, you mean that thing about foreign oil? Well, I am sure that McCain has a secret plan to bypass the problems with next generation nuclear power plant design. Next in line are his fabulous proposals to rectumify the governments budget and spending practices. I think that this will involve something equivalent to FEMA's Katrina debit cards, except with million dollar balances being handed out for no-bid contracts for Iranian reconstruction in hopes that some day we may actually "bomb bomb bomb ... bomb bomb Iran."
But anyway, I will focus today on the grownup aspirations of the McCain energy policy...
John McCain believes we should send a strong message to world markets. Under his plan, the United States will be telling oil producing countries and oil speculators that our dependence on foreign oil will come to an end - and the impact will be lower prices at the pump.
Yes, you heard it here first. George W. Bush only told the world that America is addicted to the oil...McCain will actually tell the world that our dependence on Foreign Oil (TM) will come to an end! And furthermore, by making Saudi Arabia and Venezuela colonial American territories, he will increase our potential tax base! See! No more need for Foreign oil!
John McCain's policies will increase the value of the dollar and thus reduce the price of oil. In recent years, the declining value of the dollar has added to the cost of imported oil. This will change. Americans will have a stronger economy, a stronger dollar and greater purchasing power for oil, gas and food.
Once again, the magical mystical power of a Republican's voice will increase the value of the dollar! Holy shit! Why didn't we think of this one before? By just declaring to the world that we will be free from foreign oil the value of the dollar will rise and the red sea will split allowing each and every Republican registered voter that votes for him to reach the promised land (TM)! However, if you are a Ron Paul supporter, you are fucked.
John McCain believes we should institute a summer gas tax holiday. Hard-working American families are suffering from higher gasoline prices. John McCain called on Congress to suspend the 18.4 cent federal gas tax and 24.4 cent diesel tax from Memorial Day to Labor Day.
Forget all the naysayers about this policy. Hell, you like Amway, and just look at what they say about THAT! You can use the proceeds to buy your kids a few gumballs at the grocery store every fillup!
John McCain will repeal the 54 cents per gallon tax on imported sugar-based ethanol, increasing competition, and lowering prices of gasoline at the pump.
Never mind that most American car's can't use the stuff, or that increasing the demand for Brazilian ethanol will lead to more of the rainforest being clearcut to make way for sugar cane plantations, or that the crops are harvested by slaves, this is a really good idea, and it's green!
John McCain will roll back corn-based ethanol mandates, which are contributing to the rising cost of food.
You see, they say here that he isn't a Maverick (TM)! He will fight off the powerful farm lobby to appease the oil lobby, who are being pressured unfairly to incorporate alternative fuels.
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