Letter to the President from the Institution of Marriage

I remember 9/11/01.  I appreciate the President's strong desire to protect our country, and in particular, me.  You see, I am the institution of marriage, and I have felt particularly targeted by the hijackers and their gay accomplices.  

Lots of people want gay marriage to become legal.  And they use all sorts of fancy arguments, but make no mistake, these are the same radicals that want health care and education for everyone, and are constantly refusing to support needless wars.  I'm not sure we can deal with them marrying each other.  The gay ones, I mean.

So my bottom line, Bush has guts.  And he won't shy away from tackling tough problems like the constitutional bar against further isolating and harming a scared group of persecuted citizens.

best,

Matt Stoller is the Institution of Marriage.