If Karl Rove Were a Democrat: Karl Rove’s Evil Twin

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Saturday September 06, 2008 · 2:38 PM PDT

2008/09/06 · 14:38

[Written from the point of view of FOXNews]

It turns out that Karl Rove, Republican operative and commentator, has a fictitious identical twin brother. This evil twin is also a commentator but is a Democrat. Gomer Rove has kept his peace until now but feels this election is too important and he must speak out.

Sarah Palin is the Manchurian Candidate by Gomer Rove

We all know that Alaska is the part of the US closest to Russia, only 30 miles away across the Bering Strait. As Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin has worked semi-secretly to have Alaska secede from the United States, so that Alaska can become part of the Russian empire, as it was for centuries.

Sarah Plain’s foreign policy experience is real and dangerous, coming from her constant plotting with the Russians to join them.

Evidence. Sarah Palin is commander-in-chief of the Alaska National Guard, our first line of defense against a Russian attack across the Bering Strait. While Governor, Sarah Palin has allowed the Alaska National Guard to deteriorate to a very low state of readiness, according to objective, independent sources.

Yet Alaska has a financial surplus. The reason for this surprising military weakness is that Sarah Palin wants the Guard to be unready and ineffective so that the Russians can easily invade and conquer Alaska.

Evidence. Sarah Palin worked very hard to have an Alaska state trooper fired. The state trooper had been assigned to find out more about what Palin’s plans were for giving Alaska to the Russians. When Sarah Palin could not get the trooper fired, she fired Alaska’s Public Safety Commissioner who had given the trooper that secret assignment.

Evidence. Sarah Palin initially strongly supported the infamous "Bridge to Nowhere", but not for the usual reasons of getting huge amounts of Federal money for a useless project that would benefit only a few cronies. The bridge was to directly connect Alaska’s second largest airport to the mainland’s highway system. This would have allowed Russian troops to land at the airport of a small, undefended town and immediately fan out into the vulnerable Alaskan heartland in all directions, giving them the advantage of strategic surprise and a fait-accompli conquest of Alaska before the weakened Alaska Guard could respond.

The catastrophic result of this plan would give the Russians control of Alaska’s considerable oil and natural gas supplies and a base from which to conquer Canada, our good neighbor to the north.

Evidence. A final but chilling thing that some have overlooked: the Soviet-era dictator who runs Russia today and who brutally invaded Georgia so recently is Vladimir Putin. The clue is to realize that if you just slightly change "Putin" you get PAYLIN. And Putin was a Communist! The Russians think they are subtle, but we can see through to the truth of things here in America.

In spite of our opposition to the candidacy of John McCain, we respect him as a good American and believe he just did not know these things when he chose her as his running mate. Better vetting of candidates is recommended to all.

Editor’s Note. Karl and Gomer Rove have agreed to be part of a fictitious twins study at the University of Minnesota to see how it is possible for one identical twin to be a good Republican and the other an outspoken Democrat. The study will also attempt to determine if brazen character assassination based on hysterical lying is a genetically determined trait.

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