Upon noticing that some people are Winners and some people are Losers in emotional exchanges, our Imitation Instinct encourages us to "get close to" the Winners and figure out what it is that has enabled them to become winners. They become valued as models to emulate. To emulate The Winners is to identify with them and celebrate their successes (because you hope to achieve the same status for yourself one day). Thus are even Bullies able to receive something that seems to approximate approval. But is it really approval?
The 'approval' that bullies receive from their followers is related to the type of 'approval' sought by those who try to elicit the envy of others. When envious people exhibit smiles of approval after being exposed to the possessions/circumstances of The Envied, their approving feelings are usually not intended for the envied individuals themselves, but rather for the 'special experiences' that The Envied get to experience. Being able to ride around in a $250,000 automobile looks like it might be a fun experience. Having the freedom to not work and spend your time instead on experiencing all different kinds of novel experiences sounds desirable. Of course, we approve of these things/situations because we think they might be desirable. But these feelings of approval do not extend to the people who currently have the opportunity to experience them regularly. Indeed, hatred is the emotion that envious people are more likely to feel for the people whom they envy.
At the root of envy is our very fundamental and instinctive urge to experience any experience that another person seems to be enjoying. We are programmed to want to imitate those people who have smiles on their faces or who seem to be having their curiosity satisfied in a non-threatening way. Hatred becomes a part of the Envy Experience after the Anger Instinct becomes involved. The Anger Instinct is triggered whenever we perceive 1) an enemy that seems responsible for the pain [or threat of pain] we are experiencing, or 2) an enemy that seems to be responsible for depriving us of some pleasure that we'd like to experience. When envious people hate the people they envy, it is because their Anger Instincts have assumed---sometimes accurately, sometimes not---that The Envied are responsible for the need-deprivation they are experiencing.
Experiencing feelings of envy is not a sin. (Responding to those feelings with violent anger is.) Much worse is the sin of intentionally trying to elicit the envy of others. Efforts to elicit the envy of others are driven primarily by a desire to experience the approval of others. Since these efforts are often rewarded with disapproval instead, it would seem that the wise individual would want to avoid situations that might make others feel envious. A far more intelligent way to elicit the sincere approval of those who are less fortunate than you is to earn their gratitude---an especially satisfying form of approval---through acts of generosity. The risk of hearing disapproval when you've acted generously is almost zero.
Our instincts also encourage us to pursue indirect methods of eliciting expressions of implicit approval. If one member of a group is singled out for ridicule, then all those who were not included in the indictment are able to infer that they are approvable in the eyes of the victimizer. They intuitively realize that when they join in the victimizer's ridicule, they are indirectly praising themselves. It provides them with a powerful incentive to participate in victimizing orgies of ridicule (especially if they otherwise risk being ridiculed themselves). This 'strategy' provides few payoffs, however, if all the members of a group are equally skilled in waging emotional warfare. If there are no easy victims available for them to exploit, then the victimizers will find their group environment far less enjoyable, since they will be 'taking it' as well as 'dishing it out.'
Emotional victimizers find that they can avoid targeting each other if they are able to find suitable targets outside of their group. Group 'spokespersons' who regularly criticize outsiders discover that they can become quite popular among their peers, valued for their ability to make the others feel good about themselves. These peers quickly discover that they feel good about themselves when they disparage non-group members. Every utterance that condemns another individual or group indirectly praises the critic for not having the same flaws. If face-to-face encounters with those who are ridiculed can be avoided, group members are able to praise themselves in a way that is essentially risk-free. This indirect method of expressing approval is so popular, it is often used to strike up a friendly conversation with a stranger. Expressing criticism of some third party that you see or have heard about tells the stranger that you find her approvable (at least in contrast to 'those people').
Given our individualistic cultural attitudes, it’s quite natural for people to highly value their membership in groups that are constantly disparaging 'outsiders.' Even members of the group who are normally victimized by other members are able to feel like Winners at such moments and are able to enjoy the implicit approval generated by the group comparisons being made. Bashing outsiders ends up being a major part of the 'good time' that the group members enjoy. Simply having some outsiders to 'feel superior to' becomes very important to those who are immersed in the individualistic perspective. Certainly part of their enjoyment comes from the indirect approval they heap on themselves, but another part of it is simply the relief of knowing that they are not among those who are the targets of the group’s ridicule. The more savage the criticism they express, the more 'fortunate' they feel about their membership in their approvable group.
People in groups will use anything they can think of to distinguish themselves from outsiders in a favorable way. Some groups focus their attention on the economic resources their members have that outsiders do not have. But groups do not need to have a real advantage over outsiders in order for them to start praising themselves (indirectly). Sometimes groups simply proclaim themselves (indirectly) to possess a collection of noble personality traits [like courage] that most them actually do not have. If, for example, your group ridicules the cowardice of another group of people, you are implying that the members of your group are all very courageous, even though that is extremely unlikely. But it really doesn’t matter---in the short run anyway---if group members actually have the character traits that they celebrate. If at least a majority of the group members support the expressions of approval that are being voiced, then most of them are likely to end up feeling good about themselves.
A MORAL SOLUTION
With a bit of reflection, it becomes apparent that human beings are cruel to each other because they are urged by their instincts to act that way. They are encouraged to victimize others with gratuitous expressions of disapproval in order to express [& elicit from others] indirect praise for themselves and to minimize the possibility of becoming a target of disapproval, themselves. Given the fundamental appeal of this double payoff, is not surprising that an urge to be spontaneously cruel to other human beings is something that comes to us quite naturally. Most victimizers would tell you that they have to do it in order to 'protect themselves.'
So why is it that not everyone is a bully? Well, one reason is that some people simply never learn how to be skillful victimizers. If they don't know how to go about changing their social environment, they will tend to end up becoming chronic victims instead. They don't "understand people" and are not able to see what is behind the performances that others display for them. Those who are neither victims nor victimizers usually end up that way because they just happen to enjoy a social environment that is largely devoid of victimizer-types or because they simply recognize that victimizing others is immoral.
The phenomenon of Morality is a part of the Human Experience for one simple reason: it arises from the Mind's recognition that superior response alternatives can be pursued that would spare all of us the damage that would otherwise be wrought if we were all to follow our biological instincts. Accordingly, we have sought agreement amongst ourselves to eschew certain types of instinctive responses or 'urges.' How do we determine if a particular action [or failure to act] is Moral? We simply need to ask,
Would everyone be better off if everyone were to act [or not act] in the same way?
If so, then the action or decision to not act is moral. If we would all be worse off, then the action or failure to act is immoral. If we would be neither better off nor worse off, then the action or failure to act is neither moral or immoral.
Killing a person who angers you is immoral because we would not all be better off if we were all to kill the people who anger us. Stealing is also immoral in most situations for the same reason. Lying is immoral in some circumstances because we would not all be better off if everyone also lied when facing the same circumstances. But lying would be moral in other circumstances because everyone would be better off if everyone were to lie for the same reasons. Gratuitous expressions of disapproval that do not seek to help the one being criticized are immoral because we would not all be better off if everyone were to act in the same way. Indeed, it is only because people act in this immoral way that the problem of Human Cruelty exists.
Today, we live in a social environment where emotional victimization is countenanced and even encouraged. An awareness of the Emotional Facts of Life leads us to a moral solution to the problem of the emotional pain. Since our emotional happiness is dependent upon how others treat us, we must find a way to persuade them to not hurt us. How can we do this?
First, we must make everyone aware of The Emotional Facts of Life. This defines the educational mission that we must carry out.
Second, we must encourage everyone to reveal their emotional vulnerability (need for approval) to each other. Instead of distracting the attention of others away from our emotional vulnerability, we need to focus their attention on it instead and on the fact that everyone has the same emotional vulnerability.
Third, we must intervene whenever some individual 'forgets' how important it is for us to never hurt others with gratuitous criticism. If some individual insists on being cruel to another, everyone else must join together to heap derision on the transgressor. People need to understand the power they have to bring an end to gratuitous emotional victimization by collectively pressuring victimizers to admit their emotional vulnerability to the world.
(It is moral for us to heap derision on those who are cruel because we would all be better off if we were to all do the same thing)
People in general will be able to do these things if they come to realize that the only solution to their shared problem is a collective moral solution. Individuals who choose not to join in the effort become properly recognized as a threat to the happiness of all others. This gives the whole effort a sense of urgency. We can only feel safe if everyone else is willing to confess his emotional vulnerability to the rest of us. What kind of great burden is it really to admit you’re simply a vulnerable human being just like everyone else? Weigh that against the reality that failing to do so puts everyone else in danger. As human beings, we are morally justified in insisting that others to make it clear to us that they are not a threat to us.
With a sense of moral conviction and commitment to the virtues of Emotional Honesty, we could finally defeat the Dark Side of Human Nature, the part that encourages us to treat each other cruelly. This is one 'moral crusade' that actually has a chance of changing the way people behave. An idealistic prescription? Yes. But do we really have any other choice? What alternative path shall we follow heading into the future? Would it really hurt us to strive for perfection in this life?
I hope this helps to provide some clarity.