Along the way in searching for stuff: on the InterTubesTM I find this:The Federal Vampire and Zombie Agency (1868-1975)
Initially, the FVZA was a specialized branch of the Armed Forces, modeled after similar troops in France and Great Britain. The troops were known as the "Vanguard," a contraction of Vampire National Guard. They worked mostly in large cities. By day, they scoured likely vampire/zombie hiding places; by night, they patrolled areas of high vampire/zombie activity (slums, waterfronts, parks, etc.). Though they were underfunded, ill-equipped and often shuttled off to fight wars on foreign soil, the FVZA made some strides in controlling resident vampire and zombie populations. However, the huge surges of immigrants coming to America helped increase the U.S. vampire population to 300,000 by the turn of the century.
Apparently the Feds used to use our taxes to chase vampires and zombies.
How about that?
Attacks by creatures of fantasy were, according the FOIA documents, substantial threats at one time.
In 1897, President William McKinley moved the FVZA into the Department of Justice. The Agency was split into two groups: a scientific team in Washington, and a military unit with bases all over the U.S. In 1901, new President Teddy Roosevelt hired his friend Hilton Dickerson as FVZA Director. Dickerson ruled the FVZA with an iron fist for the next 34 years. When the zombie vaccine was created in France in 1911, the FVZA administered vaccination programs in the U.S., while the "Vanguard" focused on destroying remaining zombies.
***
After 1950, the FVZA shifted to identification and destruction of remaining vampire populations. Despite exhaustive training and rigorous safety practices, over 500 FVZA soldiers lost their lives between 1950 and 1960.
For the most part though, the program was a dramatic success. In a 1963 Rose Garden ceremony, President Kennedy declared that the war on vampires had been won. Those FVZA members who developed the vampire vaccine were given the Congressional Medal of Honor.
Sadly, President Kennedy's declaration was premature. Over the next two decades, vampire packs continued to turn up in isolated regions of the world. And the rush to study vampire blood for human applications had tragic consequences in the Siberian village of Lazo when a mutant strain of vampire virus escaped from a secret lab. Soviet authorities were forced to destroy the town with a nuclear weapon, killing over 750 souls.
Despite these developments, the FVZA shrank in size and significance, and in 1975, President Gerald Ford pulled the plug on the Agency.
Hard to believe, isn't it?
I mean, these are the same Feds, under John Ashcroft (Remember him?) that staked out New Orleans for a year and could only find 12 prostitutes. How are these idiots supposed to chase vampires, which can fly, hypnotize people, turn into steam, and other illegal morphing tricks now prohibited by the PATRIOT Act? This is from the same government that used to believe (and probably still does) that "man can harness the power of hurricanes". I saw that in some old 50's government film and I guess we all sort of know how well that's going..
[zombienote: "Staked out"...get it?]
Leave it to the Federal Government to set it's sights way to high, put life and limb at risk, while not being able to effectively discharge the simplest of duties. The Agency went "defunct" in 1975.
Big surprise, eh?
I thought that date sounded distantly familiar, so I did some further searching and I found this.
In April 1975, the DEA created the first of its central tactical units (CENTAC) to concentrate enforcement efforts against major drug trafficking organizations. Prior to this, due to lack of coordination on a national level, many drug investigations were terminated following the arrest of low-level dealers or an occasional top figure, who was quickly replaced. However, CENTAC targeted major worldwide drug trafficking syndicates from a central, quick-response command post in Washington, D.C. Eight CENTACs investigated heroin manufacturing organizations in Lebanon, Asia, and Mexico. Three other CENTACs targeted large cocaine organizations from Latin America that operated in the United States. Yet other CENTACs dismantled criminal groups that manufactured and distributed LSD, PCP, and amphetamines.
The implications are chilling. A rogue, super-secret federal agency charged with chasing down supernatural monsters, which were on killing sprees all across America, is renamed, retasked, and subordinated to the DEA.
The DEA was far more interested in chasing potheads than chasing monsters. They wanted access to the zombie and vampire travel networks. The War on Drugs had spawned the creation of tunnel systems and clandestine, ever-more secretive routes. The DEA took their knowledge and databases and assimilated many of its employees. The rest were "disposed of"; some of the "4000" lost protecting our country.
Of course the DEA would accuse drug smugglers of colluding with the supernatural monsters. And, in their florid reefer madness, they blamed marijuana for causing both vampirism and zombification, in addition to their regular parade of lies. Most people, however, did not believe in this monster nonsense, and the accusations were simply further damage the DEA's historically poor credibility.
They did bust the heroin and cocaine groups they talk about - then promptly imported the goods for DEA profits - a practice referred to as "controlled delivery".
A DEA spokesman in Washington, D.C., confirms that such a shipment via commercial airlines, called a controlled delivery, is still a tool in the agency's crime-busting arsenal. In a controlled delivery, law enforcement allows a stash of illegal street drugs, like heroin or cocaine, to be transported from an originating location to its destination, under close surveillance, in an effort to snare drug-syndicate kingpins.
One DEA agent provided an affidavit in Duke's legal case stating that during his tour of duty in Pakistan -- from 1989 to 1993 -- the DEA undertook "at least 30 such controlled deliveries."
Pretty slick for a government agency - openly smuggling narcotics into the US while all the time pretending to be "protecting Americans'.
The DEA formed unholy alliances with some vampires and zombies, used them to set-up marijuana entrapment, then disguised them for use in high-profile marijuana cases as "material witnesses", all in exchange for protection, bodily fluids and shiny, late-model SUV's with dark tinted windows. (Materialism dies hard.) It had a very corrupting influence on the law enforcement agency, but the secretiveness has prevented resolution. So things merely fester and worsen.
This does help explain why so many top echelon DEA are uncaring bureaucrats, out of touch with mainstream America. They care more about potheads than terrorists and totally neglect the problem of undead, supernatural creatures stalking mankind. Simply put, they are doing a heckuva job protecting us from the real threats.
Forget I said anything. It's all probably just a series of unfortunate coincidences.
OK.....I totally made it up.