The white house today stated that the crisis in Iraq has been traced to flawed voting machines in that nations elections.
"We have traced the error to a flaw in the code used in the machines", a white house spokesman said. "We knew the Iraqis wouldnt purposely elect a fundementalist muslim government with close ties to Iran so we asked Diebold to recheck their code"
Diebold spokesman Ima P Ublican stated that their code was tamperproof and that this was obviously the work of democrats attempting to embarass the company. "We knew the democrats were hacking us november first when we found that the President didnt win by the three million he req..er... i mean the fifth.. er its technical stuff. Go away. You liberal media are always trying to play gotcha"
In other news Vice President Cheney revealed that UAV's flying over Iran had found clear evidence of a nuclear weapons program. "We spotted the bomb yesterday. We were shocked. We thought this could be resolved through diplomacy but it appears america must protect itself. We cannot allow the nation that sponsored the 911 bombing attain wmds".
When this reporter contacted the CIA and the Pentagon they issued a joint statement "What UAV's? We dont have UAV's over Iran what the hell are you talking about?" This reporter noted the General and the CIA officer looked very french.
As viewers know there is strong evidence Iran was
responsible for 9/11 though government sources cannot reveal that information due to it being classified.
"We must strike Iran now before we get a wakeup call in thirty days in the from of a mushroom cloud", the Vice President insisted
Asked by a journalist when the buildup would begin the President stated "We will strike with our forces in Iraq and Saudi Arabia who are our good friends." When it was suggested that Iraqs' new Iran friendly government may object the president stated "It's high time we brought democracy and freedom to the region. And we cannot let our enemies stand in our way. Therefor when we have defeated Iran and installed a Democracy so they can have freedom we will then turn and overthrow the Iraqis who are collaborating with iran against us! We must bring Freedom to Iraq!"
It is shocking of course that the Iraqis and Iranians are collaborating to commit nuclear terror on the United States. Even more shocking that our intelligence services totally missed it. When questioned a CIA official stated "Huh? What?? Wtf.. theyre not trying this bs again! You've GOT to be kidding"
When asked for a response to the President and vice presidents statement Joe Lieberman stated "We must support our president in time of war. The future of
israel America depends on it! We cannot let the traitors within our country stop this noble crusade".
This is Wudy Judruff... signing off