On the heels of this: http://news.yahoo.com/...
I'll start, with some from a few of the major subjects below the fold.
Biology: Students will learn that Jesus, not a mitochondrion, is the real powerhouse of the cell.
Geography: Since no true future American would land the Mayflower anywhere near Taxachussetts, "Plymouth Rock's" location will be correctly attributed conveniently outside of Jefferson Davis's residence in Richmond, Virginia.
British Literature: Since Shakespeare lived in tyrannical England and thus indirectly caused the Pilgrims to flee to Richmond, he will not be taught, with the exception of a reimaging of Macbeth. In this version, Macbeth is Ronald Reagan, Lady Macbeth is the Statue of Liberty, and acts II through V are just the two of them fucking while the ghost of El Banquo (Che Guevara) watches.
Art: Left-handed scissors are for queers.
Keyboarding: The "tilde key" will be replaced by a second dollar sign.
Industrial Arts: During freshman year, students will learn a specific trade, such as welding or woodworking. By their junior year, the teacher will let them know that they're projects have been moved to the all-Chinese school across town.
Dress Code: The right to bare arms shall not be infringed.
Math: Students shall learn the proper method for performing complex algebraic functions. For example, this is the proper procedure for Order of Operations:
The order of operations tells us a step-by-step method for evaluating expressions, such as 12x2y ÷ 4x + (6x – x)2
- Evaluate all expressions within parentheses and other grouping symbols.
- Evaluate all expressions involving exponents.
- Do the remaining multiplication and division, as you come to them, when working from left to right in the expression.
- Do the remaining addition and subtraction, as you come to them, when working from left to right in the expression.
- Realize that Arabs were responsible for much of Algebra, throw your graphing calculator against the blac...er, newly installed whiteboard, and stick to simple addition like real Americans.