Some things are best illustrated by illustrating the negative. Therefore, we'll start by showing you how you might succeed in dispelling that sense.
First and perhaps most importantly, do what you can to avoid having the NAACP adopt a resolution condemning you for racism.
Failing Step 1, consider a response to the NAACP resolution modeled after this one:
Tea party activist Alex Poulter, who co-founded a Kansas City-area group called Political Chips, disputed the allegations. He said the movement is made up of a "diverse group of folks who are upset with what is going on with this country."
Poulter said he has seen no evidence of racism within the movement.
"It's unfounded but people are running with these accusations like they are true," he said.
It's not accurate, factual or true. But it's an excellent response in terms of not looking like a crazy-ass anger junkie.
So that's it! It's a simple two-step process:
- Try not to give the impression that you're racist, but if you can't;
- Lie and say that you're not racist.
This is ordinarily a very successful formula. And it has the benefit of being relatively short and easy to follow.
But unfortunately, it's not foolproof:
Responding to the resolution, Tea Party Express chairman Mark Williams lashed out against the civil rights group, claiming that "they make more money off of race than any slave trader ever." Williams continued his assault last night on CNN, tellinghost Roland Martin, "Racists have their own movement. It's called the NAACP."
OK, so it's not foolproof. How about monstrously insane racist asshole proof? Nope, not that either. Seems Williams had more to say, in the form of a mock letter from the NAACP leadership to Abraham Lincoln:
Dear Mr. Lincoln
We Coloreds have taken a vote and decided that we don’t cotton to that whole emancipation thing. Freedom means having to work for real, think for ourselves, and take consequences along with the rewards. That is just far too much to ask of us Colored People and we demand that it stop!
In fact we held a big meeting and took a vote in Kansas City this week. We voted to condemn a political revival of that old abolitionist spirit called the ‘tea party movement’.
The tea party position to “end the bailouts” for example is just silly. Bailouts are just big money welfare and isn’t that what we want all Coloreds to strive for? What kind of racist would want to end big money welfare? What they need to do is start handing the bail outs directly to us coloreds! Of course, the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People is the only responsible party that should be granted the right to disperse the funds.
And the ridiculous idea of “reduce[ing] the size and intrusiveness of government.” What kind of massa would ever not want to control my life? As Coloreds we must have somebody care for us otherwise we would be on our own, have to think for ourselves and make decisions!
The racist tea parties also demand that the government “stop the out of control spending.” Again, they directly target coloreds. That means we Coloreds would have to compete for jobs like everybody else and that is just not right.
Perhaps the most racist point of all in the tea parties is their demand that government “stop raising our taxes.” That is outrageous! How will we coloreds ever get a wide screen TV in every room if non-coloreds get to keep what they earn? Totally racist! The tea party expects coloreds to be productive members of society?
Mr. Lincoln, you were the greatest racist ever. We had a great gig. Three squares, room and board, all our decisions made by the massa in the house. Please repeal the 13th and 14th Amendments and let us get back to where we belong.
Precious Ben Jealous, Tom’s Nephew NAACP Head Colored Person
What a sweetheart, eh? Are they cooking bile into their meth these days, or what?
Free advice to the Teabaggers on this one:
- Williams --> Basement
- Key --> Garbage