Jon Stewart was beyond exasperated last night when he found out the 9/11 first responders bill that Congress finally managed to pass past Republican obstructionism was watered down to NOT cover cancer, as part of that compromise to get it past a Republican filibuster in the Senate.
Funny story. Um, as it turns out, as part of a political compromise to get the bill passed, the bill does not cover cancer treatments! Which brings us to our new segment, I THOUGHT WE ALREADY TOOK CARE OF THIS SHIT!!!
....
How about everyone who worked down there on the pile gets a pass on the exact origin of their personal tumors? So if you're someone who spent time on the pile, I don't care if you ate 200 Sweet'N Low packets a day sprinkled on your favorite cereal, Tumor0s, while wearing a cell phone suit, and smoking Chernobyl Lights unfiltered, while making regular stops to your favorite snack joint, Agent Orange Julius.
You get cancer, we cover it!
Video and transcript below the fold.
Earlier tonight, we saw in stark fashion how the Dodd-Frank bill has been somewhat de-balled by a combination of legislative cowardice and appropriation shenanigans. But those aren't the only two ways you can submarine important legislation. Remember this bill?
CNN (12/22/2010): A deal has been reached in the Senate to pass a 9/11 health care bill. The legislation would provide free medical care to first responders, who are suffering health problems after working at Ground Zero.
It took nine years of committed legislators working tirelessly with first responder advocates, some of them sadly passing away before the bill's signing, to bring much needed relief to those who gave so much down at Ground Zero.
Funny story. Um, as it turns out, as part of a political compromise to get the bill passed, the bill does not cover cancer treatments! Which brings us to our new segment, I THOUGHT WE ALREADY TOOK CARE OF THIS SHIT!!!
How did we not include cancer? The bill does cover coughing, laryngitis, and carpal tunnel syndrome. But not cancer. "You get scurvy, no problemo. These limes are on us." But the one disease you seem to disproportionately be getting, yeah, we can't help you there. Is this going to be fixed?
RICK LEVENTHAL (7/27/2011): The administrator says that they will continue to do periodic reviews for cancer as new research and findings are released.
DEBORAH FEYERICK (7/28/2011): If and when scientists can prove a link between 9/11 and the cancers, then they will be covered by the fund.
Prove the link? Sir, clearly you have cancer. And clearly you spent a heroic amount of time sifting through a smoldering smorgasbord of carcinogens in search of your own loved ones and colleagues, and the loved ones and colleagues of others. But how do I know your cancer isn't from dental x-rays and red M&Ms? So if you just give me 20 years, I think we'll be able to have some statistics and... (starts mumbling)
You know what? I have an idea about this. WHO GIVES A FUCK??? The worst case scenario here is, we accidentally treated a 9/11 responder's cancer, even though his cancer may not be proven to have its genesis on 9/11.
How about everyone who worked down there on the pile gets a pass on the exact origin of their personal tumors? So if you're someone who spent time on the pile, I don't care if you ate 200 Sweet'N Low packets a day sprinkled on your favorite cereal, Tumor0s, while wearing a cell phone suit, and smoking Chernobyl Lights unfiltered, while making regular stops to your favorite snack joint, Agent Orange Julius.
You get cancer, we cover it! We'll be right back.
Jon also noted how Republicans watched that scene from The Town, and didn't seem to understand what they were being portrayed as, especially Rep. Allen West (R-FL). Then the Dodd-Frank bill came on the show to sing "Schoolhouse Rock"-style about how a bill really becomes a law. You really have to watch the clip. A transcript won't do it justice, not with all the musical numbers. :-)
Meanwhile, Stephen took McCain's
Lord of the Rings analogy
a step or two further, and then focused on his
SuperPAC with
Matthew Dowd (because Karl Rove wouldn't come on his show).
And since Herman Cain ditched him, Stephen ended up with two separate segments with former Louisiana Governor Buddy Roemer, who used to be a Democrat. Roemer comes off as far too sane to ever win a Republican primary for President. I mean, unlike most of the 2012 candidates who are too scared to say anything about the debt ceiling fight, he came right out and said it needs to be raised. And you got to give him props that he refuses to accept ANY PAC money, and won't even take more than $100 contributions from individuals!
