Dear God, please fix the economy for us. We're completely out of other ideas.
House Republicans are taking a much-deserved break from not giving a damn about the economy to really
not give a damn about the economy. The latest effort?
Jobs and the national debt have dominated the action on Capitol Hill for much of the 112th Congress, but the House on Tuesday will make a brief detour from that agenda when it considers a measure “reaffirming ‘In God We Trust’ as the official motto of the United States.”
The measure, H.Con.Res. 13, was sponsored by Rep. Randy Forbes (R-Va.) and is expected to be one of several bills coming up for a vote Tuesday evening under fast-track rules.
As the sponsor, Rep. Randy Forbes says:
“As our nation faces challenging times, it is appropriate for Members of Congress and our nation — like our predecessors — to firmly declare our trust in God, believing that it will sustain us for generations to come,” he said.
Yes. Yes, that's just what we need, during "challenging times." A resolution about a motto about trusting God. The unemployment rate is still atrocious, the economy is still just one stage up from "total shambles," but you know what? All we have to do is pass a resolution saying God will bail us out, and everything will be fine.
Now, when Congress spends their busy days thinking up new names for post offices, at least the end result of that will be that some post office somewhere gets a new plaque. The end result of this? Nothing. Not one thing.
All right, fine, I give up. Congress doesn't give a crap about anything, unless it maybe gives them a chance for some empty moralizing among themselves. Fine. If it will help things along, let's just start renaming economic bills until we find something House Republicans can finally get behind.
So let's rename the president's jobs proposals. From now on, they're the I Love Jesus And America Jobs Act of 2011. Foreclosure relief will be named the God Wants You To Keep Your House Act. The expiration (e-freaking-ventually) of the Bush tax cuts will be called the God Says Pay Your Damn Taxes Already Act.
And instead of renaming post offices, which is damn time consuming, apparently, and which seems to occupy most of the three and four day workweeks Congress rigorously adheres to, from now on, every post office will be renamed the God Post Office. Every single one of them. Oh, what's that, local political figure, you want a post office named after you? You think you're better than God, is that it?
We need a constitutional amendment, and we need it right now. If any Congress is found to have spent more than, say, 50 hours a year on pointless, pandering bills, we should be constitutionally entitled to ship them all off to sea on an ice floe.
Sorry, I mean on an InGodWeTrustberg.