Quote the Ravin' 37: Hawaii, Oh Why?

Community (This content is not subject to review by Daily Kos staff prior to publication.)

Tuesday April 12, 2011 · 11:30 AM PDT

2011/04/12 · 11:30

Esby, here, and I'm on a "junket" in Hawaii to see if I can find Barack Obama's birth certificate. I'm on the beach doing my "investigation." Oh, wait, let me ask this young man:

"Have you seen Barack Obama's birth certificate?"
"No sir. Did you want another Corona?"
"That would be fine."

Wait, this woman may know:

"Have you seen Barack Obama's birth certificate?"
"No sir, are you ready for your massage?"

And so it goes. It is obvious Obama's birth certificate is well hidden at best. I have checked the liquor store, the nightclubs, and even a couple of golf courses. However, if it is here, I will find it.

If it takes the rest of my life.

There's also parables in there about turning people into salt, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't have any in your diet.
—Jon Stewart, to Mike Huckabee about whether Biblical parables should influence government policy.

Listen, there’s no daylight between the Tea Party and me.
—Rep. John Boehner (R, OH).

Coming out as a vampire, now?

It's all over fellas. Men are no longer necessary. Pro creation was our trump card. Now women will just see us as walking sacks of violence and body hair.
—Stephen Colbert, about artificial sperm.

Bruce is liberal. Doesn’t mean I like him any less. But you know, Bruce believes that we should be raising taxes all the time on everyone to do all the things that he’d like to see government do.
—Gov. Chris Christie (R, NJ) on Bruce Springsteen.

Yeah, but there's a difference between being The Boss and just being bossy.

He was so tired he could hardly concede straight.
—Bill Maher on Barack Obama's late night meetings about the budget.

These are not the deep cuts the Tea Party cares about, but they are cuts that will anger liberal constituencies, and the reaction is going to flow from there.
—Dave Weigel on the Tea Party's ulterior motives.

Americans need to have a Detroit moment where they realize they're pooling their money and wasting it on the richest guy in the room.
—Bill Maher, referencing Charlie Sheen.

Yes, because nothing will bring down a civilization faster than too many crayons.
—Wayne Bennett (The Field Negro) , on Fox and Friends criticism of multicultural crayons.

But there are more than 4,000 people serving life without parole in Louisiana, almost none of whom have lawyers after their convictions are final. Someone needs to look at those cases to see how many others might be innocent. If a private investigator hired by a generous law firm hadn't found the blood evidence, I'd be dead today. No doubt about it.
—John Thompson, who spent 14 years on death row for a crime he didn't commit, but was denied a lawsuit against the prosecution by the Supreme Court.

Let's say that she's 90 percent. Well, we've had congressmen in Arizona who didn't even have a brain. So, it's not like you have to be as talented as she is to be good at it.
—Mike McNulty, Rep. Gabrielle Giffords' (D, AZ) last campaign chairman.

(H)is remark was not intended to be a factual statement.
—Spokesperson for Sen. Jon Kyl (R, AZ), walking back his statement that 90% of Planned Parenthood's work was performing abortions.

Exactly, you can get a pap smear or breast exam at Walgreen's. I'm pretty sure they're between the Swiffer refills and the cat food. Ladies, just look for the stirrups.
—Stephen Colbert, mocking Fox and Friends for saying that the services of Planned Parenthood are available at Walgreen's.

I hate what’s happening with the country. We’re not respected by anybody. Our leadership is not respected.
—Donald Trump, on an independent run if he doesn't get the Republican nomination.

Which would apparently change if we elected a reality show star with bad hair.

Given his behavior, and the spectacle of the last couple of weeks, I hope he keeps on rising.
Senior White House advisor David Plouffe on Trump.

Donald Trump is providing a lesson on how to beat Barack Obama.
—Rush Limbaugh.

Trump is not only not running yet, his negatives are -18 right now.

In a momentous victory for D.C. schoolchildren, Speaker John Boehner succeeded in reauthorizing the D.C. Opportunity Scholarship Program in the long-term continuing resolution to which the Obama administration agreed just before midnight.
National Review's Lindsey Burke.

We needed to make a statement.
DC Mayor Vincent Gray, who was arrested for protesting supposed victory.

Quote the Ravin', a weekly roundup of quotes from the internets, comes out every Tuesday afternoon.

This content was created by a Daily Kos Community member.

Make YOUR voice heard!

Comments are closed on this story.