Mitt Romney- "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life"- Monty Python. Why? Well, he may be the frontrunner in the race for the 2012 Republican nomination, but in the end he's still going to get his ass kicked by President Obama. Look on the bright side, even though he's unemployed he's worth something north of $200 Million.
Always Look on the Bright Side of Life
Rick Santorum- "It's Raining Men"- Weather Girls. Why? Just to piss Ex-Senator Man-Dog Love off a little bit more. Wait, what's that? He loves his gay friends? But not in that way...
Newt Gingrich- "On the Eve of Destruction"- Barry McGuire. Why? Haven't you heard? Newt's campaign is going up in smoke. Also nominated for this entry was "Blaze of Glory"- Bon Jovi.
Tim Pawlenty- "Don't You Forget About Me"- Simple Minds. He may be the only other "serious" candidate besides Mittens, but that doesn't mean he (a) has any charisma (b) has any chance of winning against a sitting President when he won't even win his home state and (c) has done anything of substance besides say "I want to run for President." Also, The Breakfast Club f'ing rocked. Next.
Herman Cain- "Mr. Cellophane"- John C. Reilly. He admitted it himself, he doesn't have a clue about foreign policy but he's "reading up on it." Does anyone take him seriously besides angry, loud, yelling fringers who have no idea how to govern. There are a lot of those clowns around, though. So, he's got that going for him, which is nice.
Michelle Bachmann- "Exhuming McCarthy"- REM. Why? One could say that this song choice makes no sense just like her running for President. However, have you heard some of her floor speeches? She's not completely an empty shirt, but sure is full of hot (read: fearmongering) air.
Buddy Roemer- "Broken Boy Soldier"- The Raconteurs. The title fits, largely because Roemer was a corrupt little governor of Louisiana (I know, they breed corrupt politicians like rabbits down there- nothing new). Anyway, how do you think there's one casino on land in New Orleans (Harrah's) when all that any casino company is allowed is a riverboat...just sayin'.
Gary Johnson- "Bohemian Rhapsody"- Queen. Why? The song is longer than his campaign will last. Check out "Johnson for President" on Google, and the guy actually currently running for president is third down the last behind "Andrew" and "Lyndon". To make it even worse, I initially wrote "Tim Johnson" as the title of this paragraph. Not my fault.
Jon Huntsman- "Brilliant Disguise"- Bruce Springsteen. Not that Bruce would ever let a Republican use one of his songs for their campaign (see: Ronald Reagan and epic takedown by the Boss), but on the morn' of Huntsman's campaign it must be noted that if the Republicans nominate Hunstman they will not only be (a) the luckiest bunch of fools to actually get a relatively normal guy as their nominee, but (b) also be creating a third party fringe "Tea Party" nominee that most likely will render the Republican party useless for the next generation. Epic possibilities here. Anyway, "bring it on."- Dubya
Now, for the "potentials" and their "Nemesis."
Sarah Palin- "Baby Did a Bad, Bad Thing"- Chris Isaak- Why? Because she sucks and she does a lot of really really bad things. Oh, and also because the Republican "older, white, Middle-American male who goes to church but gets divorced more often than the godless Northeastern liberals" base wants to have sex with her. Next
Rudy 9iu11iani- "Let's Roll"- Neil Young. Do I even have to say why? When Rudy comes out with an original idea about, let's say maybe...solar power, let's talk. Otherwise, he's a relic of a Republican Party that liked cross-dressers...um...yea, moving on. I don't even want to link to the video because I'm so disgusted by him.
Donald Trump- "Baby You're a Rich Man"- The Beatles. That's about all he's got going for him, really. And, have you ever seen those polls of income earners and their respective votes for the parties? The "UBER-WEALTHY" are overwhelmingly Democratic. Why? Because they have all the money they'll ever need/want, and realize that actually making a difference in the world is what matters in life at that point. How we know Trump isn't that wealthy? He still cares about taxes.
AND NOW FOR THE CLEAR WINNER OF THE 2012 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION:
PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA- "Hail To The Chief"- U.S. Air Force Band (just this version). Did you think I'd pick anything else?
Granted, the runner-up was "Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor, but it wasn't necessary.
Hope you liked it, what a sorry lot of creatures the Republicans have running this time around.
12:47 PM PT: Hey! Thanks for all the funny suggestions and for the repost on the Community Spotlight! Very kind, just wanted to make you guys laugh today! Been a long time since I've written here, who knows-I may get back into it. This all was a result of a humorous little thought I had while on a flight to a friend's wedding in Jackson, MS 2 weekends ago...anyway, cheers!