Hello, Mr. President. I'd like to take you over my knee to teach you some manners.
Former Florida governor Jeb Bush said Thursday he would open his speech to the Republican National Convention with a defense of his brother George because President Barack Obama keeps running him down.
“I just feel compelled to do this because almost every day I hear the current incumbent feeling compelled to push down the past to make himself look better,” Bush said on “Fox and Friends” ahead of his Thursday night address.
Jeb plans to continue the RNC theme of making shit up—or, as the Very Serious Journalists at the Associated Press call it
, taking "factual shortcuts"—by telling us that Dubya is "a person of courage and integrity and honor, and we need people like that in public life." Which is why the former president we're not supposed to talk about will be appearing at the convention so his party can celebrate all that courage and integrity of his. Except that he won't be so shut up, nuh-uh and Obama sucks.
Jeb is a sensitive fellow and all about integrity, which is why he said it was "wrong" of anyone "to suggest that Paul Ryan is not completely truthful when he’s the only guy in Washington, D.C. that’s actually put out a comprehensive plan with a budget attached to it." Jeb then clutched his pearls and reclined on his fainting couch for a spell.
That's why delicate flower Jeb will be setting the record straight on what a swell guy his worst-president-in-history brother is and why the current president is so naughty for saying otherwise. That's just how he was raised:
“When I was growing up, we were spanked when that happened.”
Nothing says integrity and honor like suggesting the president of the United States deserves a spanking.