From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Things to listen for in the near-future:
"I, Barack Hussein Obama, do solemnly swear that I will…er…execute the office of President of the United States faithfully… Aw, Roberts, you still don’t know how it goes??? I told you to write it down! Ruth, would you come up here and take over?"
"Senator Elizabeth Warren has proven to be a real thorn in the Republicans' side…"
"Democrats reformed Senate rules today that will put an end to Republican abuse of the filibuster…"
"President Obama signed the DREAM Act into law in a Rose Garden ceremony…"
"Hillary Clinton's replacement comes with strong foreign policy credentials and a sterling reputation around the globe…"
"Tim Geithner's replacement is getting rave reviews for not being Tim Geithner."
"Republicans are having a tough time finding something to impeach the president over, but Congressman Issa vows to keep trying. Hearings on the President's old parking tickets begin today."
"Mourdock! It's Joe Donnelly calling. Hey, what's your address? I'm sending over a helluva thank-you gift, buddy!"
"Akin! It's Claire McCaskill calling. Hey, what's your address? I'm sending over a helluva thank-you gift, buddy!"
"By the power vested in me by the state of [Maryland] [Maine] [Washington state], I now pronounce you lawfully married spouses. Congratulations [guys] [ladies]."
"No, ex-Congressman West, you're saying it wrong. It's 'Would you like fries with that,' not 'Are you a communist sympathizer.' Ex-congressman Walsh, would you please show him how to do it?"
"Sorry, Mr. Romney. It's a short-circuit somewhere, so you're gonna be stuck in that car elevator for a while. We'll throw you down some cheesy grits so you don't starve."
And a bit of advice circa 2006 from the late, great Molly Ivins on sportsmanship
First rule: No gloating. Actually, there is gloating allowed, but only in the exclusive presence of other Democrats. Gloating in the face of Republicans is rude and unsportsmanlike, and just gives them one more thing to complain about. Also, remember there is a possibility there may be some Republicans on the civil service staff---I have seen this when the R's win---and it is really not good manners to watch them wailing around with their eyes brimming with tears.
Congrats to Team Obama and all of last night's winners with a big ol' D after their name. Since I'm, indeed, exclusively among Democrats here, I've got three gloaty words about our landslide victory last night: "We Built That!"
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Note: To wipe a post-election grin off your face, stub your toe at 2am. Hugs, Heloise.
By the Numbers:
Days 'til Inauguration Day on Jan. 20, 2013: 74
Months 'til the 2016 Iowa Caucus: 38
Electoral vote count once Florida is declared for BHO: Obama 332 Romney 206
Number of letters in LANDSLIDE: 9
Years between Abraham Lincoln winning his first election on Nov. 6, 1860 and Barack Obama winning his second election on Nov. 6, 2012: 152
Number of presidents who have been elected to a second term, now including Barack Obama: 16
Number of U.S. presidents who are Leos: 4 (Benjamin Harrison, Hoover, Clinton, Obama)
Mid-week Rapture Index: 184 (including 3 False Christs and 1 POTUS who drained a 50-footer last night). Soul Protection Factor 44 x 2 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
Puppy Pic of the Day: Republican pooches...before and after election day.
>> The President of the United States. It's this guy again:
But I think we should draw the line at two terms.
>> The word of the day: "Revenge." Guess what, Republicans? We booed and voted. Didn’t think we could do both at the same time, didja?
>> Maine! Obama won my state 56%-40%. Chellie Pingree and Mike Michaud were comfortably re-elected to Congress. Republicans failed once again to grab their District 2 holy grail, the 1 electoral vote that they drool over every four years. C&J subscriber Angus King will replace Olympia Snowe in the Senate and frustrate us on budget issues but otherwise shine with liberal Yankee common sense and humor like fellow New England Independent Bernie Sanders of Vermont. We'll all love him except when we don’t.
>> Same-sex marriage. It passed in Maryland, Washington, and little old Maine. So now gay couples---say it with me---"can be just as miserable as straight ones!" Ha Ha Ha Ha!!! Seriously: massive body blow to NOM and bigotry puppeteer Frank Schubert, who ran the cookie-cutter sleaze campaigns in all those states. (Minnesota's constitutional amendment failed, by the way, so that's another big victory for us and loss for NOM/Schubert.) These are the first victories at the ballot box. They won't be the last. But thankfully once the Supreme Court settles the issue in our favor for good, they won't be necessary at all.
>> Marijuana laws: Massachusetts became the 18th state to legalize pot use, followed by Colorado and Washington. Oh, and I just remembered that Massachusetts became the 18th state to legalize pot use, followed by Colorado and Washington.
>> Democratic senators-elect Elizabeth Warren (D-MA, replacing Scott Brown), Joe Donnelly (D-IN; smooth move, Richard Mourdock), Chris Murphy (D-CT, replacing turncoat Joe Lieberman), openly-gay Tammy Baldwin (D-WI), Mazie Hirono (D-HI), Martin Heinrich (NM), Angus King (I-ME, replacing Olympia Snowe) and Tim Kaine (D-VA, replacing Jim Webb). And congrats on the re-election of Bob Casey (PA), Claire McCaskill (MO), Maria Cantwell (WA), Sheldon Whitehouse (RI), Bill Nelson (FL), Sherrod Brown (OH), and whoever I forgot. No more excuses, Harry Reid---reform those filibuster rules and get busy!
>> Congressman Alan Grayson is in!!! Congressman Allen West is out!!! And congrats to CONGRESSWOMAN Tammy Duckworth! Republicans may have kept control of the House, but we've got some new (and returning) stars in it.
>> The reality-based poll-crunchers, led by the Daily Kos team and Wonderboy (and Kossack) Nate Silver. They ran circles around Gallup and Rasmussen and deserve to take a dozen victory laps, as this site's official pollster, PPP.
>> New England got several shades bluer last night, thanks in part to the neutering of Maine's tea party Republican governor, whose party lost control of both chambers of the legislature. The air smells so much fresher this morning.
>> The voter who died and came back to life and asked "Did I vote?" I like where his priorities are.
>> The United $tates election $ystem. It $ucks. The financing, election supervision, the lines, the attempted suppression, the rich ladies in non-stop GOP SuperPAC ads complaining about how terrible their life is from inside their million-dollar homes… Boy, do we need to fix this shit.
>>Mitt Romney. He finally conceded last night, leaving in his wake enough lies, deception and ill-will to choke an elephant. During his concession speech he said "Like so many of you, Paul and I have left everything on the field." By which he meant, of course, the croquet field.
>> The noble opposition. The front pages of most of the right-wing blogs are mighty pissy in defeat, and a familiar pattern emerged in the wake of the GOP's massive loss. See if you can spot it:
I said early in the Summer that win or lose we needed to form a third party and abandon the GOP.
Well back to starting all over again. If the GOP pushes the FAT one from NJ, I will vote 3rd party.
The GOP is totally ineffective . . . now is the time to form a new political movement and be ready in 2012 to fight the left and win every battle.
I had posted on FB the other day that I was going to vote 3rd party this year. Several Repub friends browbeat me and said it would be my fault if Obama won. Just like in 2008, I caved and went Repub, and just like then, it was a waste because Obama carried my state anyhow. I’m getting myself ready to hear the lectures now: “2016 is the most important election in our history, you cannot afford to vote 3rd party.” Fooled me twice, shame on me. No more.
A third party made up of right-wing sore losers!!! They can call it the Sour Grapes Party. Or maybe the tea Party! Won’t that be swell!!! Meanwhile, there are, of course, the inevitable slime-slingers writing things online like, "It is beyond stunning that such a blatant communist was elected again. No words can describe it." Except AWESOME!!!
Four years ago in C&J: November 7, 2008
JEERS to whackjob "winners." First the good news: Virginia's vile congressman Virgil Goode may be a goner, and Colorado's hopped-up homophobe Marilyn Musgrave got the boot Tuesday. But we'll still have to contend with some Republican jerks, like Don Young. (Are they oxygen-starved up there in Alaska???) But on the bright side, Minnesotan Michelle Bachman's victory means she can now begin her investigation of Congress to determine which members are pro-American and which are anti-American. I'd start with Rep. Yankee Doodle Dandy---he looks shifty.
CHEERS to moseying across the finish line. Oh, you tarheels really know how to ratchet up the suspense. A day and a half after the polls closed, North Carolina quietly went Democratic for the first time in 32 years, adding 15 electoral votes to Obama's landslide numbers for a total of 364. That leaves one state still undecided: Missouri. To them I say, "Hey! Show me, State!" (Motto jokes---pure gold.)
And just one more…
CHEERS to catching the Abe-ola virus. Now that this minor, distracting election thingy is behind us, we can focus on more important issues, like the fact that we're only 9 days away from the release of Steven Spielberg's Lincoln. There's nice, long "International" trailer that's hot off the Movieola. Check it out:
Fascinating. I always thought he wore a beret.
Give yourselves a round of applause! Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"Tonight's results only remind me that our country has slipped into a deeper state of dependence on Cheers and Jeers."