Tonight, I am proud to introduce for the first time on The Colbert Report, the Obama Scandal Booth! (wild audience cheering and applause)
Welcome to the Obama Scandal Booth, brought to you by Mazda, and the scandalously sleek redesign of the all-new 2014 Mazda Six. Mazda, it's not your father's Oldsmobile... cuz it's a Mazda.
Now inside this booth are slips of paper, each with the name of a White House scandal — IRS, AP, Benghazi, immortal scorpion soldiers. Oh, it's coming out. And just moments from now, ladies and gentlemen, I will enter the booth and, like my colleagues, grasp wildly at any accusation that floats past. (audience cheering and applause)
Ten seconds! Jimmy, ten seconds on the clock, please. (Stephen enters booth)
Jimmy, let's get ready to scandal!
And tonight's scandal is... Benghazi!!
Yes, Benghazi. Following the tragic attacks of eight months ago, Benghazi, and the rumored cover-up, has become problem #1 for the Obama administration.
MARA SCHIAVOCAMPO (5/14/2013): Some Republicans say the Benghazi scandal will cause President Obama's downfall. ... A survey from Public Policy Polling shows 41% of Republicans consider it to be the biggest political scandal in American history.
Yes, Benghazi is the biggest scandal since sliced bread was caught funneling money to Nicaraguan death squads. And folks, if Republicans are angry now, imagine how they'll feel when they learn where Benghazi is.
MARA SCHIAVOCAMPO (5/14/2013): But of those Republicans, 39% don't know where Benghazi is. 10% think it's in Egypt, 9% in Iran, 6% in Cuba, with North Korea making it at 1%.
(audience laughter and applause)
Folks, I say this just proves that the scandal is global! From Benghazi, Argentina, all the way to Benghazi, Japan. This could even hurt Obama in his hometown of Benghazi, Illinois.
Now Republicans have accused the White House and State Department of partisan political whitewashing of the talking points that Ambassador Susan Rice used on the Sunday shows after the attack to help Obama's re-election. But White House spokesman Jay Carney repeatedly denied the White House or State Department made substantive changes to the talking points.
But, on May 10th, ABC News' supersleuth Jonathan Karl uncovered an e-mail from the White House's Deputy National Security Adviser Ben Rhodes, which said, and Jon Karl quoted:
We must make sure that the talking points reflect all agency equities, including those of the State Department.
A White House e-mail, implicating the State Department, and boom goes the scandal-mite.
You see, with this e-mail, Jay Carney's a liar, and these folks are in this scandal up to their ball-ghazis. End of story, except the actual story.
JAKE TAPPER (5/14/2013): We obtained an actual copy of the Ben Rhodes e-mail, and he doesn't mention the State Department, he doesn't mention talking points.
Shut up, Chris! You're on Fox News, for God's sake! (wild audience cheering and applause) I mean, what part of "fair and balanced" do you understand?
MAJOR GARRETT (5/16/2013): There is no evidence, Scott, the White House orchestrated these changes.
CHRIS WALLACE (5/16/2013): There is no indication in any of these e-mails of any partisan deleting, scrubbing of the facts.
Anyway, so what? Jonathan Karl didn't need the original e-mail. He has a simple explanation.
JONATHAN KARL (5/14/2013): This is how I reported the contents of that e-mail, quoting verbatim a source who reviewed the original documents and shared detailed notes.
Yes, Karl never saw the e-mail, so when he quoted from it, those quotes were in "quotes". I mean, that's what you call "journalism". (audience cheering and applause)
Now I was surprised that this past Sunday, Jon Karl wasn't on This Week with George Stephanopoulos, or at the very least, Walking Back Your Statements with the Stars.
But Nation, tomorrow night, I will have an exclusive interview with Jonathan Karl to discuss the Benghazi e-mails. (audience cheering) Thank you, that really wasn't necessary. I just received a confirmation e-mail from Jonathan Karl himself, in which he writes:
Now, I am aware that some questions some arisen.
Is that e-mail real? Yes.
Did I write it myself? Perhaps.
Did I personally sign up for the e-mail address HotKarl4You@gmail.com?
Yes, but it had nothing to do with this story.
The point is, I quoted that e-mail "verbatim". And if need be, I will get confirmation. Let me just make a little call here.
Are you sure?
at how it may have impacted his own super PAC 501(c)4 with his lawyer Trevor Potter.
to the ginned-up scandals by sending out poor Dan Pfeiffer to defend the White House, and then focused on a REAL scandal: the
in processing our veterans' claims, wherein Jon proposes a novel solution.
that suddenly came through the ground in Nanjing, China.
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