This country remains in the grip of the polar vortex, that today has brought New York temperatures into single digits, and wind chills of Why the hell does Colbert make us wait outside?
(wild audience cheering and applause)
Makes you stronger. Put some hair on your chest.
Of course folks, science tells us that if it ever gets cold, global warming isn't real. And that's not just me, folks. That's also noted climatologist Donald Trump, who today tweeted "This very expensive GLOBAL WARMING bullshit has got to stop."
And, if there's one thing Trump knows, it's expensive bullshit.
(audience laughter and applause)
But if one day of below average temperatures doesn't make you question climate change, then maybe one minute of Fox & Friends will.
1/6/2014:
STEVE DOOCY: Talk about an inconvenient truth, wait until you hear how much Al Gore's book is selling for right now.
HEATHER NAUERT: There is a picture that's now circulating on Twitter, you can see this right here, and it shows the price of his book on the so-called global warming crisis. Well, it's melted to just $1 dollar. It's also labeled a super-buy. Super-buy. Hehe. No word on exactly where this picture was taken.
Hahahahaha. Well done! All the best news reports end with, "I don't know where we got this." Folks, this anonymous twitpic is a major story, because the only reason I ever believed global warming was real was because the Inconvenient Truth movie made a lot of money. The market had spoken. It's the same reason I believe in hunting children for sport.
(audience laughter)
We must crush her!
So logically, if this one copy of An Inconvenient Truth has been discounted, so have all of its findings. Besides, what kind of science costs only a dollar, OK? Other than those little pills that expand into spongy dinosaurs.
By the way, do not take those, they do not make your penis expand, OK? Or, shaped like a T-Rex, OK? It's false advertising.
This calls into question, folks, all low-cost books of any kind. I mean, how could the Bible be true if they give it away for free in hotels? I mean, maybe I shouldn't banish my wife to a tent during her time of blood.
And what about Steve Doocy for that matter? On Amazon, you can buy a copy of his parenting book, Tales from the Dad Side, for just $0.01.
(audience laughter)
With prices that low, I have to question whether Steve Doocy can even father children! You know what, Steve? Try one of those little T-Rex pills. They work.
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