This holiday season, there's going to be a Defend Christmas Freedom Hotline. That's right: A dedicated team of conservative cranks and lawyers from the fine state of South Carolina will be taking your calls. If you find yourself religiously oppressed by anti-Christmas forces, just call on the hard-right Palmetto Family Council and they shall get right on that. But only the serious stuff, please.
He added: “We’re not after Starbucks cup complaints or people wishing ‘happy holidays’ versus ‘Merry Christmas.'”
Smith told the State newspaper that “we hope to help folks think through what is a real threat and what is Internet squawk.”
If that's true, you know what? It sounds like a damn useful service. "No sir, the lack of a nativity scene on your coffee cup is not an infringement on your freedom."
"No ma'am, you can't file a lawsuit because you suspect your Applebee's server was Jewish."
"Bill O'Reilly, you need to stop calling here."
The problem, of course, is that every person who calls or emails and gets told that their improperly festive Starbucks cups are not, in fact, a violation of their religious rights will now consider the anti-LGBT, anti-abortion, unabashedly hard-right Palmetto Family Council to be part of the conspiracy against them. They've been told that Jesus wants reindeer on their coffee cups, and they'll go to their graves believing Jesus wants reindeer on their coffee cups.
Trying to convince them otherwise during the holiday season? Sounds pretty anti-Christmas to me. Don’t blame me if Bill O’Reilly starts doing hit pieces on you.